I Battle Depression

Lately, I've been feeling like I want to disappear. Not die. Disappear. Cut ties with my friends. Erase myself from their minds, and just go. I hate myself for the jealousy and anger that rises in me when I see them having fun with others; without me. But you can't have fun with someone who's depressed. So it shouldn't surprise me that they seek others with whom they can have a good time. Still, I blew up today and told them everything I felt. The funny thing is, they don't want me completely gone from their lives. And they say they'll be there for me whenever I need them. But what I want is for them to let me go. I just want to be happy alone. I honestly feel that's what would be best for me in the long run. So I'm torn between what I want and what they want. It's not like they do anything to help with my depression. They just give me all the space they think I need and stay away until I magically feel better. So what difference would it make if this time I don't feel magically better and just continue to drift away? Will they chase me or finally let me go? I just want to be at peace with myself.