I Battle Depression

I've had my first panic attack today. It was awful. It was hard to breath, everything seemed to be closing on me. It didn't last long, just 15 to 20 minutes. When it was over I found a quiet place (which is really hard in a city), stayed there for 3 hours, going from crying to staring blankly in the void. I know it is the start of new depression for me. I've been in depression for most of my life, but this one is starting really hard. I never had a lot of physical contact and I know I won't ever. I was craving it before, but now it is all I want.

I crave for someone in particular, but I won't ever be able to be with her. This is not a case of "the dude is just too shy". It is something that can never happen, even though she has been all I think about in the last year.

Now this new phase of depression begins.

I am scared.

PS: Don't worry, I will not take my life. I prefer living feeling the worst emotions than not feeling anything at all.