I Miss You More Than You Will Ever Know
Mother.... It's been nine years since you made the choice to end it all. I find that I miss you more than you'll ever know. More than I thought I would. Its not only that I miss my mother - I miss the person behind that too. The formidable and erratic woman that was you.
I was young when you died, too young. I know you said that you waited until I was old enough, but you should've held on longer. Twelve is no age for any daughter to lose her mother. There are so many things I still wanted to ask you. So many things you still needed to teach me. There are so many times I wish I could speak to you, ask your advice. But you took that away from me.
Your suicide not only saddens me, but it greatly disappoints me. Whenever I think of you, I get these glimpses of what you could and might have been. But not anymore. You gave up on life. You gave up on yourself. You gave up on your children.
You have greatly disappointed me, and for that I won't forgive you. But I will always love and miss you more than you will ever know. And I will always be your baby girl.
I was young when you died, too young. I know you said that you waited until I was old enough, but you should've held on longer. Twelve is no age for any daughter to lose her mother. There are so many things I still wanted to ask you. So many things you still needed to teach me. There are so many times I wish I could speak to you, ask your advice. But you took that away from me.
Your suicide not only saddens me, but it greatly disappoints me. Whenever I think of you, I get these glimpses of what you could and might have been. But not anymore. You gave up on life. You gave up on yourself. You gave up on your children.
You have greatly disappointed me, and for that I won't forgive you. But I will always love and miss you more than you will ever know. And I will always be your baby girl.
31-35, F
