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I Am Single But Not Sure If I Am Ready to Mingle

I am 19 years old, nice to everyone, decent looking, good body, but I have never been in a serious relationship.. by my own choosing. Sometimes I feel like I'm messed up because I choose to be alone and I'm not doing what the crowd does but then I try to imagine myself in a relationship and remember why I don't mess with that. Why do you guys even bother? Feelings will just be hurt, hearts will be broken, betrayal is bound to happen or the flame between you two will die eventually. It's all so pointless! why would I want to put myself through more pain than I've already been in. I feel like I'm too smart for that. No one has ever been worth the risk to me.... maybe I'm too picky.

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BiasForAction · M

There are a zillion reasons to avoid romantic relationships but only one good reason to engage in one. Love.

Yulianna · 22-25, F

@BiasForAction 🥂❤

blindbob · 41-45

i get what you're saying. but love can be like madness. i guess you have to fall head over heels in love to lose all sense of ration. i think first love works like that, but after you crash and burn, i don't think you ever love so completely and recklessly. if you're smart you can spot the a-holes from a mile away or you just become resigned or cynical about it all.

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blindbob · 41-45

@TheFlowerThatBloomsInAdversity: well, our backgrounds are similar, and i felt the way you do for a long time, but then BOOM, so who knows? the BOOM didn't happen for me until i was 25 and even while it was going on, i knew it didn't make sense, but the heart wants what it wants... until it doesn't.

Summergirly · 26-30, F

Ugh.. Such a waste of feelings. I'm so not down. I'm so afraid of pain now that I'm free from it. I'm also afraid the person I end up falling for will be just like my dad but he will have hid it well until I'm trapped. I'd rather die than become my mother

blindbob · 41-45

@TheFlowerThatBloomsInAdversity: i feel like that too. i just want to have my kids, do my work, and not bother with some asshole trying to control me, disrespect me, and cheat on me.

Yulianna · 22-25, F

sounds like a pretty sensible strategy to me...

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Yulianna · 22-25, F

@TheFlowerThatBloomsInAdversity: for sure... most people respond to social, cultural pressures to conform, try to form relationships. maybe it is better to be independent, negotiate your own way through life.

Summergirly · 26-30, F

Is that what you do?

Yulianna · 22-25, F

@TheFlowerThatBloomsInAdversity: i wish! i have girlfriends from time to time, but not really for love...

SW-User

Yes,,you are so sweet and cute ( I mean you are too picky)
Mis vegetarian
Happy Sunday to you :-)

Newandimproved · 61-69, M

Ypu shouldnt feel pressure to date somebody that doesnt make your pupse race.

updown2020 · 61-69, M

Hey it what ever makes you happy no one say's you have to be in a relationship,

SW-User

relatable

Summergirly · 26-30, F

Your name is like the definition of me haha

SW-User

@TheFlowerThatBloomsInAdversity: sometimes names just stick to you

olderguy2016 · 70-79, M

when time comes,it will be ok

This message was deleted by its author.

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greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@TheFlowerThatBloomsInAdversity. Sorry! Obviously, you don't look like a guy. I got my response here mixed up with another question somehow. I just deleted my inappropriate answer.

You sound sensible. You are right. Most "relationships" (they called them "affairs" in my day) do not work out. Stay as you are for a while and focus on other things. But if you are ever considering finding a partner in life, read the Genie Sayles book, [i]How To Marry Rich.[/i] just ignore the title; it's a terrific book for husband hunting in general. If you do fall in love with a rich man and marry him, if it doesn't work out, you'll have enough to start over, maybe start a business. Sayles seems to understand how "relationships" work and how and why people get married. If you do get back to wanting involvement with men, aim for finding a husband, not just a boyfriend. Sayles says the kind of man who makes a good husband has two things, in this order, a big heart and a big bank account. She points out that nothing else is as significant to a woman's well being and happiness and other things (how he dresses, what kind of music he likes, his job) are really not that important. Live as you are, on your own, or find a partner; affairs usually fizzle out or die a miserable death.

Summergirly · 26-30, F

@greenmountaingal: I don't know if I want to look for a husband when I'm only 19 and haven't even had a boyfriend yet... and all relationships start out as boyfriend/ girlfriend and then they get married haha but of course if I choose to date someone I'm looking at them as a potential husband

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@TheFlowerThatBloomsInAdversity: Boyfriend or husband...try for a big heart and a big bank account.

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