I Am The Other Woman

EP refugee here...I have been the OW for about 4 years now. He was my OM at first and I got divorced a couple years ago. Never been more in love than with my MM. He is my fantasy come true. W has been suspicious from the get go and has confronted me multiple times. Nothing gets in the way. He is loyal and determined and in love. There are many ups and downs. I have tried to end it over and over and have been unable to walk away from him.

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Empty89 · 31-35

You say he's "loyal".. A man who's cheating on the woman he made vows to, and I read your response about why he doesn't just divorce his wife and be with you, it all sounds like excuses really. His children are adults and he doesn't owe them anything at this point. In any case, why can't he divorce his wife and be with you whilst still providing whatever financial assistance his family are dependant on him for?

Stalked9 · 51-55, F

It sounds like excuses because you don't understand the situation. They financially struggle. W doesn't work. They enable their sons not to be independent (whether or not I agree with this, it's his situation). He has ambivalence. He loves them all and doesn't want to abandon them. There is more to the decision than legal obligation. And yes- he is loyal in that he has been with them for decades and won't just abandon them and leave them homeless. And he is loyal to me. Despite the fact that she has been on to us for years..calls his parents, his employers, drags their adult sons into the drama- he won't abandon me either. Stop being so black and white. Real life involves shades of grey.

Solostance

@Stalked9: Do you know this for certain or just his story? Wasn't he in the military?

SoFine · 46-50, F

1. You wrote - He is loyal and determined and in love. Yes, this is true, for him to him. The person he is loyal to - is him and only to him ....
2. He complains to you, you listen, yet he is still in the marriage. If it was so bad as it is, he would go.....but he stays, again for him, not her or you....
3. He is self boasting as to how all these people depend on him. He set it up that way, that is as how he lives, they depend on me, so he can feel good about him-self and is a victim of his own making.
4. If it was not you as the OW, he would have found some other sucker to suck in. He looks for needy people, to need him..
In summary: Like attract like, so that your view of life and marriage, will stay your view. No growth as a human to step outside your comfort zone, be honest, be accountable with integrity.

Stalked9 · 51-55, F

Wow- you sure have all of the answers about the relationship I have been living in for years. So enlightened you are. For someone who doesn't know me, him or any of the players...The man has been married for almost 26 years. He doesn't want to abandon the people he loves and cares about. He does NOT complain to me. Not sure where you got that. He never touched another women outside of his marriage for over 20 years. He didn't seek out an affair. We met and we fell in love. Shit happens, stop being so judgmental when you really don't know shit, okay?

SoFine · 46-50, F

@Stalked9: You said SHIT happens, no people act stupid, they get them-selves in a mess, then look at ways to get out, or stay and include a week minded person to stay stuck in their own shit.

Solostance

@Stalked9: abandon people he loves and cares about????? Girl are you stuck on stupid? How can a man live and care for people he's hurting? How can you say shit happens? Let shit happen. He's afraid of letting go because he knows he would be financially ruined if they divorced. Stop eating up his lies as truths.

Friendlygirl · 61-69, F

Firstly hes using his family as a shield to hide behind so he wont commit to the other woman..
Secondly why give up his cake and kibbles..
Hes living the life of a typical cheater.. and hes hiding the Affair Partner which they all do..hes showing no respect to her ( not that she deserves it having no morals or boundries where the marriage is concerned) or his wife..
In the mean time this Affair Partner is wasting her years of life when she should be put first in her own relationship.. one day she will wake up too old..
Heres a thought give him an ultimatum..watch him back pedal then.. and choose the wife..if it hasnt happened already seeing this post is nearly a year old!!

Solostance

So we read his pathetic excuse why he stays in his marriage, now...what's your excuse for being involved with a mm?

Donna15 · 41-45, F

Why doesn't he get a divorce and you too be together?

Stalked9 · 51-55, F

Because he has been married for almost 26 years to a woman who is 100% dependent on him. Their 3 "children" are all grown and in their 20s and also totally dependent on him. They don't even contribute to the bills. They would all be homeless if he divorced her. At one point, despite all of this, he told me they discussed it and decided to divorce, and then they back pedaled. Now he is not sure.

Stalked9 · 51-55, F

Update- by the time the last couple smearing comments were made about me wasting my time, he divorced her and he and his sons moved in with me. The sons are gone- that was temporary, but we live now as a family with my son and our pets. And we are very happy. Just sayin. Sometimes, when it's right, they DO leave and we DO get our happily ever afters.

SW-User

I ended our affair after a year because I was tired of him. I liked him at first and I saw him when i wanted to and when he was available.

Eir089 · F

Why divorce and go through all that.. for what at this point.

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