I Am An Idiot
Yesterday I had some kind of minor head f*ck.
Got little one up..got me up, made tea and coffee, got washing on, got washing out, tidied up, got little one in car, drove to childcare, drove a bit further, kept driving..
She fell asleep so I kept on driving..an hour long full circle of nothingness..no radio, no phone calls, no emails, just driving.
I circled back to my house and parked up. She still slept. I sat there for a while wondering what would happen if I sat there all day...all week? (now you're being silly)
Eventually I moved.. dragged my bones out of the car and picked her up and out of her seat. She sleepily patted my back as she does when she's carried, which was the most comforting thing I've felt for a long time.
Took her inside and put the kettle on. Parked her up on the sofa with cereal and the ipad while I sipped my tea..like those women mumsnet users detest. I flipped them a mental FU..finished my tea and said "shall we give it a rerun baby?" She looked up, grinned and for once gave up the pad without tantrums. Our little secret..
We walked through the snow back to the car for a second time.
I lied to everyone..childcare, work, everyone and just carried on as normal.
But I'm not sorry.
Sometimes I just want it all to stop. And for those couple of hours it did.
Got little one up..got me up, made tea and coffee, got washing on, got washing out, tidied up, got little one in car, drove to childcare, drove a bit further, kept driving..
She fell asleep so I kept on driving..an hour long full circle of nothingness..no radio, no phone calls, no emails, just driving.
I circled back to my house and parked up. She still slept. I sat there for a while wondering what would happen if I sat there all day...all week? (now you're being silly)
Eventually I moved.. dragged my bones out of the car and picked her up and out of her seat. She sleepily patted my back as she does when she's carried, which was the most comforting thing I've felt for a long time.
Took her inside and put the kettle on. Parked her up on the sofa with cereal and the ipad while I sipped my tea..like those women mumsnet users detest. I flipped them a mental FU..finished my tea and said "shall we give it a rerun baby?" She looked up, grinned and for once gave up the pad without tantrums. Our little secret..
We walked through the snow back to the car for a second time.
I lied to everyone..childcare, work, everyone and just carried on as normal.
But I'm not sorry.
Sometimes I just want it all to stop. And for those couple of hours it did.
