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I Have Ocd Without Compulsions, Known As Pure-o

First of all, I've never been diagnosed, so I can't say with absolute certainty that I have pure O but I am 99.99% certain that I have it. As a child, I remember ritually trying to unthink the thought of killing my family. I thought that the thought alone made me a horrible person. Now, I know better but some habits remain. For example, I would obsess over the thought of being gay and that if I were thinking that, then it must mean that I'm gay. I was surprised to find out that some people with pure o obsess about being gay (even though they're straight), in the same sense that some gay people with pure o obsess about being straight. I don't realise it but I do it on a daily basis. I worry about the way I come across, how I talk, how I walk, how I gesticulate, how firm my handshake is, if my voice is too feminine, if I'm compensating too much and so on. I even go so far as letting myself think that I'm gay, then reality hits and I feel angry and disgusted at the thought of being that close to another man and then I feel at peace because I realise that it's okay to feel anger and that being angry about it doesn't mean that I secretly want it. I swear, the length my brain goes to, to sabotage me.
Exhibiter100000 · 61-69, M
I have OCD with the compulsions.
MyImperialHighness · 18-21, M
I have the BEST OCD ever

 
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