I Pretend I'm Okay

I missed having an EP account where I could write whatever I wanted. I just started going on this site a few days ago. I wish they had an app though.

Anyways, I feel like I've been struggling so much for the past weeks or maybe months. I don't really know anymore. I keep telling myself I will get help but when I actually go & see the doctor I can't tell them what's wrong. I kept myself busy by working so much the past few weeks & my body decided to finally shut down. I haven't work for the past 5 days... the longest break I ever had.

I feel like if I bug my friends about my problems every single time they would eventually get sick of me. It's easier to pretend everything's going great. Sometimes everything gets a little tough & I don't know if I'm able to survive through all of it. My family, my future, my love life..nothing is going right. I just want to be genuinely happy for once.

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SW-User

I know how you feel. I feel the same way most days. I suffer from suicidal thoughts and they only get stronger as time goes on. Life hasn't got much meaning to me anymore. I've been struggling for many years now.

phxts · 26-30, F

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you will get help & someday recover from it. I wish you the best. Stay strong. <3

SW-User

@phxts: Thank you. I hope you stay strong too. You aren't alone.

phxts · 26-30, F

@Jason9478: I'm here if you need a friend.

Mongoheadmonster · 41-45, M

I can identify with you. Some days even the most minuscule tasks takes the most mental power to accomplish. I don't like those days

phxts · 26-30, F

Yeah you're right.

Mongoheadmonster · 41-45, M

What helps me is keeping busy and staying active.

phxts · 26-30, F

I went a little too far with keeping myself busy till I overwork.. I've already had the intention to workout last week but I'll have to wait till my health is all better. @Mongoheadmonster:

SW-User

Holding it all in will not help in the long run, it'll only drive you deeper into your sorrow. If you can, try to open up to one of your friends. If they are a true friend, they're going to want to be there for you and won't begrudge you for needing someone to talk with.

phxts · 26-30, F

I'll try opening up. I just don't want to feel like a burden to them so most of the time I prefer to keep it to myself.

SW-User

I know how that feels, wanting to hold it all in. Unfortunately, it only helps to make you feel more isolated, even if you feel good about not spreading your misery. Finding someone you can open up to can take a lot of the weight off and maybe give you another perspective to view things from.

phxts · 26-30, F

You're right. I'll give it a try. Thank you so much. @Liebik:

wondergirl18 · 26-30, F

hang in there. if you want to talk pm me.

phxts · 26-30, F

Thank you <3

juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F

hugs

Chickie · F

I agree and I know how you feel. On EP you could write whatever you wanted and get some support without having second thoughts that you're annoying people. It seems that most people on SAW are about not taking things seriously and having fun people forget that social networking is for. And those people aren't your real friend if they feel like there's rain on their parade when you want to vent I know what that feels like. I have yet to see a doctor too I told my dad about and he told me we would see one as soon as we get on insurance! And I so relive when he agreed and didn't questioned me.

Good luck to you

phxts · 26-30, F

Yeah so true... that's great news! It's good that your dad is supportive. I wish you the best. <3

SStarfish ·

be happy then :)

phxts · 26-30, F

I'm trying but most of the time it's hard.

SStarfish ·

hugs..

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