I Pretend I'm Okay

Ok gonna vent a bit here.

Why do I lie when I get asked if I am ok? even though I am crying deep down. I act all ok when I am the last to leave school for the holidays when everyone has their parents turn up it's like a painful reminder that mine are never coming back. I love my big sister but every holiday birthday Christmas its just more reminders it's just us now.
It's been 6 years but why won't this pain deep down go away I just act fine but really all I want is my mum and dad to hug me and tell me it's all ok. I want to feel ok not sad I want to stop crying.

Ok vented sorry if you read this better to let it out