I Believe In God
But I said my last prayer on Dec 30th holding onto his hand while I witnessed what a mother never should him take his last breath.
God and my relationship has been nothing but rocky. It started when I was 14 and he took Gram from me, my rock my protector. With her gone I questioned his existence and I begin a spiraling downhill path that carried on through my teens.
When my brother passed and with both my miscarriages I would conclude there was a God, but he didn't know there was a Jamie Lynn. How could he hadn't I suffered enough?
But apparently I was wrong because December 30, 2018 I finally accepted maybe I didn't believe.
Then on March 31st my mom passed away and she had been on life support 2.5 long months and barely able to be there for me at the worst time in my life. I had a huge fight with my dad cause I felt he was being selfish and making her suffer our often complicated enough relationship took a hard blow that is slowly trying to mend a little.
I would love to continue to say I don't believe or that God don't know me, but after Jarrod prayed for me yesterday for the first time in months I feel a calmness a peace. Is it because I accepted a pastor after all these years or because even though I know he's a pastor to me he's still just Jarrod?
Ironically he's been where I been 4 years ago, and for awhile he was where I was up until yesterday even gave up preaching for over 2 years but then God found Jarrod back....perhaps he has found Jamie Lynn?
I don't know what I believe anymore but it's nice to finally find a little calm mixed in with all this grief.
God and my relationship has been nothing but rocky. It started when I was 14 and he took Gram from me, my rock my protector. With her gone I questioned his existence and I begin a spiraling downhill path that carried on through my teens.
When my brother passed and with both my miscarriages I would conclude there was a God, but he didn't know there was a Jamie Lynn. How could he hadn't I suffered enough?
But apparently I was wrong because December 30, 2018 I finally accepted maybe I didn't believe.
Then on March 31st my mom passed away and she had been on life support 2.5 long months and barely able to be there for me at the worst time in my life. I had a huge fight with my dad cause I felt he was being selfish and making her suffer our often complicated enough relationship took a hard blow that is slowly trying to mend a little.
I would love to continue to say I don't believe or that God don't know me, but after Jarrod prayed for me yesterday for the first time in months I feel a calmness a peace. Is it because I accepted a pastor after all these years or because even though I know he's a pastor to me he's still just Jarrod?
Ironically he's been where I been 4 years ago, and for awhile he was where I was up until yesterday even gave up preaching for over 2 years but then God found Jarrod back....perhaps he has found Jamie Lynn?
I don't know what I believe anymore but it's nice to finally find a little calm mixed in with all this grief.
