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I Am Searching

I came on here to find people from my own background. I need certain questions about my life answered and only someone from that background might be able to help me find some answers.

I am what is called a "red diaper baby," meaning someone born (or, in my case, adopted at birth) into a Communist Party family. I was not selected for CP youth training, was never in the Party nor was I privy to whatever went on.

My mother was a highly placed, very powerful, CPUSA member. My mother could pick up the phone and have someone killed. People were terrified of my mother, with good reason. She was attractive, sophisticated, very capable, exactly as charming as she needed to be...and deadly, an all around frightening person. If Stephen King ever goes dry and runs out of material, he can give me a call and I'll donate my memories to a novel.

My life as a kid in a CP family was not typical. Many children grew up happy in CP families. But I was a reject from the Party and the decision was made before I started school. My rejection by the Party was probably a punishment by proxy aimed at my father who had gotten himself and my mother in trouble with the Party during the 1940s, right before, and shortly after, the time I was born. I was seen as a security risk, an outsider, a burden to the Party requiring constant surveillance. My mother drugged and interrogated me in my sleep for many years.

I really need to find someone who has been in this inner secret CP world, that of the red scare 1950s and 1960s, especially another mistreated CP reject like me. I have been surveilled, harassed, terrorized, stopped from having a normal working life, social life and love life over the course of decades, mostly by my mother's people.

Since the harassment and trouble have continued in my life beyond my father's death in 1983, and also beyond my mother's death in 2005, I've come to the sad conclusion it may continue all my life. Also, since I have excellent reasons to believe my mother tortured and then euthanized (i.e., murdered) my father on his deathbed (from heart disease), I have reason to fear that something like that may happen to me.

It would be good to compare notes with someone else from my background.

If anyone out there knows anyone who was ever involved in the CPUSA, especially an older person, please respond here or message me. I would really, really like to communicate with you.

 
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