I Need Someone to Talk to

Stuck In Limbo... So the woman I’ve been seeing the last 6 months finally got her paperwork for her divorce going. Nope, I’m not the reason for the divorce. Her husband has been living off and on with another woman the last 3 years. We started as friends as it developed into more. In the beginning she was very adamant about staying strictly friends. Then, one night talking she opens up and tells me she is falling in love with me. I was stunned at first, because she was always reminding me that we couldn't be anything more than friends. I had fallen in love with her long before that, but had decided to keep it to myself, respecting her wishes and just accepting the fact that friends was all we would be. After her confession, I immediately told her how I felt. Things just went wonderfully from there. We grew closer and closer, spending more and more time together. Even though we weren't able to see each other daily due to work schedules we talked on the phone, emailed and texted each other constantly. We even started discussing the future of our relationship after the divorce (a subject she brought up, but that I was entirely for).

Fast forward to now. Just a few days ago her attorney sent over all of the paperwork to begin the initial filing for divorce. It hit her really hard. After 15 years of marriage it was hard for her to just turn off her feelings for him. She then told me she needed space, time to grasp the reality of what was proceeding, and grieve for the end of her marriage. I understood. It's hard to just close a major chapter of your life like that. But now, I’m finding myself on the outside, hurting terribly and not knowing what to do anymore. We still talk, just not as much, and haven't really seen each other at all. She said she still loves and cares for me, but needs to work through this. The problem is that sometimes when she talks to me know, she acts as if I’m just a normal friend, nothing more, nothing less. Then there are other times she tells me she loves me. We've cancelled our plans together for the next few weeks so she could have her space. I know her husband is doing what he usually does; saying he's sorry, he wishes he hadn't screwed up, he loves her and won't do it again. The same things he keeps telling her every time. I have no clue what is going on in her head, is she thinking of taking him back yet once again, is she still planning on a future with me, is she still just needing space to get through all of this. It's just killing me. I don't want to move on, because quite frankly I just want her. But am I just setting myself up for more heartache later if I find out she is getting back together with him? I try not to be all mushy, I don't throw the word "love" at her a million times a day, I used to send her flowers every couple of weeks to her job and stopped that so she could have her space...meanwhile I'm just in limbo. I don't know if I’m on the verge of getting the woman who is everything I could want...or on the verge of losing that woman that is everything I want. And I’m so afraid I’m going to say or do the wrong thing and lose it all for nothing more than simple stupidity on my part. Help. I could use some kind of female input into what I should or shouldn't do. :( I need to back off so she can deal with this, but how far is too far to back off?

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