Struggles & Identity > Self-Help

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I Need Someone to Talk to

Mistaken... Even though I am young, I have made many, many mistakes. And done a lot of stuff I truly regret. I'm depressed, and have been for 3 years now. My self esteem has slowly diminished since I was 9 years old. I'm really looking for one person who I can tell everything. And they won't leave. I know I am a horrible person, and I need to change my ways. But I need encouragement. And i'm too scared to tell my current friends the monster I really am. :(

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DrCharbonneau

Wow! Sixteen? I'm SIXTY! When I was sixteen I was a big, nerdy dude with a rock band trying to meet the right chicks. Bell bottoms, tie dyes and oil paints. We all did our share of monstrous things at that experimental age. It'll be ten more years till your brain matures enough to do even more monstrous things at 26. At 26 I was using my engineering degree to design front end loaders, painting murals on vans on the side and making the scene in one muscle car or another. Now I'm a doctor of physics. I study what stars are made of and how they work. I devote my life to making sure there's a future for those your age.
In sixty years of life, I've hurt some people and been hurt by others. What goes around comes around. I don't regret so many things. With every new adventure, I opened a new window... a new door... I traveled a highway that had never been tried before. At sixteen it probably seems there's little to look forward to. Still, you can make so much more.
Look forward to tomorrow's adventure. Plan that adventure today.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

Thanks for the advice. Glad to hear you're doing well with your life :)

kristindxoxo94

Don't be so hard on yourself! Like you said you are young. When we are young we make mistakes its how we learn. Life is beautiful and it truly is a gift don't waste it being sad. Find something or someone who makes you happy focus your attention on the brighter happier things in your life that you love! I promise the more positive you talk to yourself the better you will feel on the inside. Its hard to have a high self esteem especially in this century with all the social pressures but please try to have some respect for yourself, and cherish/love yourself! God made you beautiful inside and out we all make mistakes trust me we allllllll have! Please feel better focus on the positive

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I've tried to. But I can't. As soon as I change my own mind, and stop telling myself, I go back to thinking the same way I used to.

kristindxoxo94

You can though I promise you, I've had so many friends who were trapped in such a dark place before the only way they could over come it was to think positive I know this is hard but anytime you think of a negative though just ignore it and replace it with a positive on please just try it! Happiness is bound to find out and conquer all of your sadness its possible I believe in you!!! (:

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I try to. I am doing better than I was. Now it's only one or two nights a week usually that it just overcomes me and I breakdown. Although some weeks it's more often.

jay1414

What did you do that was so wrong? Everyone makes mistakes, but mistakes make you who you are you you should be proud of who you are because everyone is a perfect, beautiful person no matter what.

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jay1414

Don't be afraid to tell someone. It will be better that way trust me I went through the same thing.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I'll try. It's hard for me to trust people sometimes and I push people away a lot cuz I'm scared.

jay1414

Same with me. I also have a problem. When I was a child maye 9 or 10 I had a weird sexual experience with my male cousin and brother and we did sexual things just not as far as intercourse but it is a part of growing up and learning and its normal but I still feel really guilty and I can't get over it.

lkntraveler

I know the feeling, Im scared also of telling my friends of how depressed I have been. The bad thing is yesterday I was caught crying in the bathroom by one of my coworkers. Now it seems everyone has caught on at my work that Im having issues. The one person I told about my problems happens to be the one person I care the most about. Now Im afraid shes gonna run, or think Im totally nuts..

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I'm very sorry to hear about that. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. I know how hard it is to be depressed and scared to tell. I've struggled with it for 3 years. I told my one friend once and she told my guidance counselor at school and then i had to deal with counseling for a year. It made me feel even worse cuz I was too scared that he would tell my parents anything I said. So now everything thinks I am cured and I am too scared to tell them I'm not cured at all.

lkntraveler

Yeah It sucks, sometimes its you facing the world.

lunie2ns

In response to hating yourself... I feel that way a lot of the time. Find it easy to hate myself, but love others. But I know I shouldn't. I have made horrible life changing mistakes myself. So even though I can understand hating yourself more than others, I still have a little hope in others, and sometimes myself as well. I hope you can grow to appreciate yourself. I can listen if you would like and you have a lot of others here for you also.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

Yeah, it's just hard for me to get past all the things I have done. Thank you though. I appreciate the offer.

Domyn

Getting the emotions out is necessary. Someone to talk to and trust is essential. Everyone makes mistakes, that does not make you a 'monster'. If you want to talk I will listen, no condemnation. If you want help, I will try, I have helped before.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

Thank you. I really appreciate it.

luckyyoungturk

Share, unburden yourself. The key is to decide if what you've done was wrong, and to learn from it, and more importantly, try to not repeat it.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

Well I know what I did is wrong.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I don't wanna say it where everyone can read it. I'm embarassed by how idiotic I was.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I would appreciate that. Email me?

pabeli

Don't feel like that. We are all humans and we make mistakes that we regret but we have to learned from them. You are still very young, you will have a lot of time to go on to a better life.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I can't help. I try to tell myself otherwise, and then I screw up and hate myself all over again.

forevermisunderstood

Well I'm here and i won't leave or judged and know that everybody makes mistake so you are not alone even if you feel like it

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

Thank you

AyooBee

I'm very much here for you. What makes u think u are a monster? I doubt that very much

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

Cuz I hurt a bunch of people and I try to be a good person but it never works cuz I guess I'm not a good person.

AyooBee

You can always chose who you want to be hunn. How do u think u hurt ppl?

Sunnissa

That's incredibly sad. There is no way possible you are a monster like you say...

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

In my eyes I am. There is no one I hate more than myself. -_-

Sunnissa

But why! What could be so bad... Nothing is that bad!!

escorpion336

Nobody is perfect we all make mistakes some worst than others..just try to learn from them..mucho amor take care

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I always end up making the same mistakes a bunch of times. Guess I'll never learn :(

DrCharbonneau

It looks as if you have quite a few people to talk to. Choose wisely.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I'll do my best.

DrCharbonneau

As I mentioned, I'm 60, so I have no interest other than to offer advice like a grandfather. I've had my share of problems in life being a nerd. Fortunately, as I mentioned, I'm a big dude, trained by the army (my own father died of cancer when I was 15), so I was never afraid of bullies.
Let's get back to you. When you say you are depressed, do you mean clinically diagnosed or just feeling sad and down? Even at 60, I get depressed at times, but it is just because life has been a rough battle.
I should be clear. I'm a doctor of physics, not an MD and certainly not a shrink, but, for a number of reasons, I've had to become savvy to psychology. Partly because my own biological son shows symptoms of schizophrenia, stays in denial and, since he's 24 now, I'm helpless to do anything about it.
You say you've done things to hurt others and make you feel monstrous. If you feel comfortable telling all of us here, then I'd suggest you be specific about what you did that supposedly hurt others. If not, you are welcome to PM me.
Your profile tells me you are a nerd. Could be much worse. Just think. You might have turned out to be a basketball player :D ... Nerds rule!

Taqua

LET THE PAST BE THE PAST AND MOVE FORWARD.

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I'll try.

Taqua

THAT ALL YOU CAN DO MY FRIEND.

plutoniumoxid

there is always someone, who is more horrible than you!

John5554

im hear for u to talk to

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

Thanks. I really appreciate it.

John5554

message me

Lauruns

You are no monster. People love you. I love you.

Taqua

HAS LONG HAS YOU ARE TRYING YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH.

iseeuthrou

u r telling ur evil side now?

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

I guess if you wanna put it that way, sure....

Loosehandcock

Why?

21cookielover21 · 26-30, F

Cuz of a lot of reasons

Loosehandcock

Such as?

luckyyoungturk

No offense, but couldn't you read below that she doesn't want to talk about it here?

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