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I Am a Father

[big]Why Is It So Important For A Father To Be In His Daughter's Life?[/big]

THIS QUESTION WAS ASKED OF ME BY A YOUNG WOMAN:
[i]Why is it so important for a father to be in his daughter's life?[/i]

After standing there for a few minutes with my jaw hanging down, I finally answered:

This question just blows me away. Seriously. You don't know?


I don't know the relationship you have with your father. I do know the one I have with my daughter, however. I know why I am the way I am, and why I do things the way I do them. So, again, I can't speak for all dads, just me.

1. My daughter is the first girl born in my family line in 64 years. No, that's not a typo. 64 years. To say she is treasured beyond all measure is an understatement, considering that in my family, you only get ONE daughter per generation, and usually the first born. So, yeah. Nothing will come between me and her, unless it wants to suffer pain with extreme prejudice. Try to harm her, and pain will be the least of your worries. That's not a promise. It's a guarantee.

2. I am her Knight and her Protector. I am the Shield between her and a cruel world that doesn't care about her welfare and well being, until such a time that she can do it on her own, with or without my having her back.

3. I am her Teacher. I am her Mentor. I must impart to her all the skills I have, so that she may survive and thrive, flourishing in a world that will one day not have me there anymore, because eventually-- we all die.

4. I am the Example. I am the Template. I am what she will consider "normal" for a husband and a future father to be, and what she will seek for companionship when she is looking for a mate, and as such, I must be the kind of man that I would want my daughter to be with, one who will love her with all of his heart and soul, and give themselves completely to her.

5. I am her Truth. I am her Rock. I never lie to her. I keep my morals and my ideals constant, a solid foundation upon which she may build her own. I live by my word, and by my deeds, one and the same. She knows that I am consistent, and she can count on it, no matter what.

I could go on, but that's the basics. I don't know why it's important for anyone else, but I know why it is for me.

It's because she so important to me.
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GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@charley I've never understood-- if the mom isn't stopping you-- (and even if she is, so long as the courts aren't stopping you) why would ANY dad just NOT be involved in their own children's lives...?
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GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@charley When in doubt, give credit to "good genes". ;)
Coralmist · 41-45, F
Wow.. that is beautiful, inspiring and really melts your heart, truly. My dad has unfortunately been the complete opposite of any single thing you said or emanate. He actually TOLD me 'I don't care' when he was ignoring me over an issue or question I was asking... I had gotten so sad, and said 'do you even care?' and I repeated it, and he said that, above. I just was heartbroken, and when I talk to him about my mom's awful abuse , he says' 'move on'. ONe time I needed a ride only for 10 mins down the road (I was being released from the hospital) and he was going to be in the area within an hour.. he said to get a cab. Now normally its ok I guess, its not the end of the world: BUT he was going to be in the area :/ NO heart, no care for anyone but him. To see a dad like you is just baffling to me.. like, it exists??? A dad that WANTS to love and cherish and be there for his daughter? I admire you and thank you for sharing this from your heart: it is a real eye opener that LOVE exists and it is not some dream- what a GREAT post.
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@Coralmist You know, while my heart was warmed by your praise, it was broken by your reality. Even on my girls' worst days, when they are acting like your dad did to you, to me (after all, you don't appreciate what you have until you don't)...? They are still my "happy place", and I tell them so.
Silence0 · 31-35, F
I like what you wrote there.

My father is my everything, I love him more than I do my mother. But we have completely different views on life so I tend to do things that he won't approve of and this leaves me feeling terrible as if I am betraying him.

He has always been there for me.

I'm really torn between choosing to do what would make him happy or what would make ME happy.
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@Silence0 One thing I learned from my mother-- the thing that is most important to her...? Am I happy? My life could be totally in the toilet, heading in the wrong direction, or over uncharted territory, and my choices aren't up for her judgment. I'm all grown up now. I am allowed to choose my future. My mom is only concerned if I am happy with it and myself. At least, that's all I will get from her, unless I ask otherwise. Why...? Because I am all grown up, and she knows that it is my life and my choices, and I am the one who will have to live with them at the end of the day.

So I would encourage you to live your life, because it IS yours to live. If he wishes you to be happy in your life, then you being happy will make up for anything else you could possibly do.

I'd even talk to him about it, and explain that you understand he does not approve of some of the things you do (so long as they are not destructive, otherwise, I'd side with him on this! ;) ) but you want to live your life full, happy and fulfilled. And if he wants to see you like that, then he's got to accept that you might do things he doesn't agree with, but you take responsibility for your choices and decisions, fully and wholly. And that's what would truly make you happy in the world.
[b][c=#000000]Bookmarked![/c][/b]

👌 No more; no less!
Blessed be the bond!
SW-User
I hope your daughter knows what a lucky young lady she is....
Why is she lucky? I am not saying she's not but every child ought to have a father who cares and loves them.

Being a parent is a HUGE commitment, a lifetime commitment.
Of TWO people, not just a mother. (Or just a father). And their families too..
It changes you :)
It makes you better as a human being.

It should not be some privilege that daddy sticks around and daddy gives a massive hoot.

Sadly, it does seem that way, more often than I care to admit.
SW-User
@Lunadelobos: She's lucky because the way things SHOULD BE is often not the way they are; a father who thinks this way is rare. I'm not insinuating that fathers shouldn't think this way, I'm simply acknowledging the fact that most do not, therefore most daughters do not have the kind of father she has.
@SW-User Perhaps if our standards and expectations were higher...? :)
Perhaps if we had better radars, yadda yadda yadda... and so on, infinitum.

I not only comprehend what you mean, I have also lived this.

I don't think that I put too much stock in *luck*.

The good man is doing his proper duty by his girl child 👶.
She and he are blessed.
SW-User
This is the best thing I have read here in a very long time. I wish all fathers were like you. The world would be a better place.
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@SW-User I appreciate the sentiment, but I see the skeletons in my own closet, and know... I still have work to do.
SW-User
@GwydionFrost I can't wait to have kids for that reason. Kids are the future and good parents are what forge that. We all have negative things about ourselves, but raising kids that will be the change the world needs to see is the most important thing we could ever do.
Scribbles · 36-40, F
I like this post because it appears that you try to be mindful of being a good father for your daughter and see it as an important priority. 👍👍👍

As for me, most of my life, I felt like men live in a totally nother universe and when I need something I just had to deal with visiting a rather shady black market for whatever I needed.
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@Scribbles I don't know what made me peek in here, but I saw your post, and it choked me up. I'm sorry that was your experience. I wish there was a way to undo the damages and heal the wound.
Scribbles · 36-40, F
@GwydionFrost Erm...I feel a tad embarrassed by my answer a year and a half later... because I don't feel that way anymore about ALL men.

What I said is certainly how I felt at the time and most all of my life. But perhaps it might soothe you to hear that since then I've had months of productive therapy (I had a lot to sort out), and a very supportive boyfriend, and reconnected with the...idk...good people in my life far more, and was determined to let go/leave the toxic and bad people behind as much as I could etc. I did and do have people...including some men who are more or less good people in my life...I just wasn't mentally capable of believing it or recognizing it until quite recently...

I'm rather glad you replied to my comment though I am sorry it caused you some sadness. It reminded me that I have been able to put alot of crap away in the past and be free from it and be a stronger happier person and be able to have the kinds of fear-free relationships with some friends and family I've always wanted.

Thank you for your kind comment :)
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@Scribbles Wow. Wish granted. That's one fast genie. 😲

Color me impressed. That's amazing news indeed! I'm so happy for you being able to break free from the chains of your past, and that you've been making steady progress ever since...!
Scribbles · 36-40, F
If only all parents treasured their kids...and thought they were important enough to let them grow into a person of their own as well as parent them...instead of seeing them as a constant burden and disappointment just because they act like a kid,
or because their kids never fulfilled their ruined dreams.
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@Scribbles You know the sure-fire success formula for a miserable child...? Push them to try to achieve what you could not...!
Scribbles · 36-40, F
@GwydionFrost For sure.
beyond the kid not able to have his or her own life and stretch their wings... its a miserable catch22 for the kid. Because a parent like that probably isn't capable of being properly proud or supportive. you're damned if you do achieve, damned if you don't. you're either a disappointment, hated out of jealousy(because you did achieve) or you get the " It's not fair you're not as miserable as I was at your age because (child made different choices or made parent jealous) so I'm going to...." and get a parent trying to make things harder for you...
cloudi · 36-40, F
Wonderful and such a strong statements. Always admire a dedicated father 😊

To be fair, that young woman didn't ask a silly question, in my opinion. Not every one knows how to be a father or at least the important roles of a father.
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
I would never accuse her of asking a silly question... it just blew me away that she didn't know, or even have a clue. Which is an damning indicator of her own father's failure to establish a meaningful relationship with her, I reckon. It's just... well, I can't even wrap my brain around the idea that someone wouldn't be compelled to do this for their children...! I mean, if YOU don't, WHO WILL..?!?
cloudi · 36-40, F
I hope all father could have that kind of thought. Seriously. Sadly 😔
BabyTay98 · F
This makes me realise what an asshole my dad is. But beautiful on your part.
BabyTay98 · F
@GwydionFrost My dad is never there, I hardly see him whatsoever. He has a new family now.
EnigmaticGeek · 61-69, M
@BabyTay98 Sorry about your dad. :-( I guess that explains why he never came up in any of our conversations.
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@BabyTay98 My dad and I didn't talk for quite a while... like, for YEARS. I think he had a health scare, and realized that he might actually need to establish a relationship with the now two grown men he raised. Now, we talk more often, but nowhere near what my mom and I do. He also remarried, but... yeah, no new kids. He didn't like that gig the first time around-- why ask for more...? ;)
littlepinklotus · 41-45, F
I think there are a lot of men that don't know what it is to be a father. My father surely never did. I think you are rare and your daughter is very lucky to have you.
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@littlepinklotus You know, there are times when even I question if I know what being a father really means. And even in those moments, I keep fast to one standard-- I must be the example of what she should be seeking in a mate, because I'm what her brain is going to tell her she should be looking for, whether I am actively doing so or not.
U sound like the perfect adult man
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
LOL... I would never EVER make that claim. That's a lot of shoe to fill. :P

I will accept the compliment when it comes to prioritizing my children in my responsibilities... but it's definitely a stretch for the rest of me. ;)
@GwydionFrost: I hope i can find a husband like u
I worry lot about being a mom ,i wish none make me cus i believe i cant do it
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@moonthesolitary: 😊

Ok, so... I'm blushing. First-- want a husband that works for you...? You should read the OTHER essay I've Featured on my profile: The 4 Elements.

https://similarworlds.com/story?fid=4764229&tid=573646&name=I--m-A-People-Watcher

See, it's going to show you whether you have what it takes to LAST. Which is important, if you are desiring to raise children together.

Next, as far as being a mom goes...? I have found, as a parent, that if I ask THIS ONE QUESTION before taking any action or making any decision, I have never chosen wrong:

"Is this in the best interests and benefit of my children...?"

EVERY decision and action framed by this question first...? Will keep you honest.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNtsIXAANM0]

I only wish all dads cared, even half as much.
Nice for me to read :)
SW-User
No doubts parents must be guides, models and supporters...
Revisited and thanks for keeping the post.
LyricalOne · F
Completely and utterly wonderful post. 🙂
GwydionFrost · 56-60, M
@LyricalOne Thanks!

 
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