I Miss My Dad
Dad - I miss you terribly.
It will be 3 years in October since you left us. I haven't been the same without you. I've gone a little off the rails since you've gone. I know that you would be worried....and that you would hug me tight if you could....and I would feel your love for me.
Mom misses you too....we both feel the void.
Did you visit her? She of course is t sure....but you know I believe. I've been trying to get myself together and make myself go see her so she isn't lonely....but it's a struggle.
I know you wanted me to go on that business trip to Chicago that week...when the hospice nurse said that it wouldn't be a good idea. There was NO possible way I would leave in you final days.
It was nice to work from there and go lay in bed with you and cuddle. It was good to see your family come and visit you.
The nurse was right. You left that Friday. I would have been traveling back from Chicago. I would have missed everything.
I know you waited until I left for work that morning to take your leave. When I came by so early to help mom change your sheets and clothes...you weren't really there with us...I talked to you and told you to go walk on the beach with Buster.
I have wondered so many times if you heard what we said....where your mind was....had I filled the needle up too much with morphine?
When mom called me around noon to tell me you were gone....I nearly collapsed into a heap in the parking lot....I knew the time was near and thought I was prepared....but suddenly my strength was gone.
My friend from work drove me as fast as possible to the house....were you still there in the shadows?? Did you hear me call out for you?! Did you feel me crawl into bed with you?
Did you hear me ask what i will do without the only person on earth that truly loves me?
Do you know how much you meant to us?
Dad....I'm sorry my words and questions that came out were so selfish. I was was panicked and didn't know what to do. I couldn't fix things and was losing my mind. I know you didn't WANT to leave. I'm sure my questions made you feel worse. I know you understand.
❤ I love you dad. ❤
It will be 3 years in October since you left us. I haven't been the same without you. I've gone a little off the rails since you've gone. I know that you would be worried....and that you would hug me tight if you could....and I would feel your love for me.
Mom misses you too....we both feel the void.
Did you visit her? She of course is t sure....but you know I believe. I've been trying to get myself together and make myself go see her so she isn't lonely....but it's a struggle.
I know you wanted me to go on that business trip to Chicago that week...when the hospice nurse said that it wouldn't be a good idea. There was NO possible way I would leave in you final days.
It was nice to work from there and go lay in bed with you and cuddle. It was good to see your family come and visit you.
The nurse was right. You left that Friday. I would have been traveling back from Chicago. I would have missed everything.
I know you waited until I left for work that morning to take your leave. When I came by so early to help mom change your sheets and clothes...you weren't really there with us...I talked to you and told you to go walk on the beach with Buster.
I have wondered so many times if you heard what we said....where your mind was....had I filled the needle up too much with morphine?
When mom called me around noon to tell me you were gone....I nearly collapsed into a heap in the parking lot....I knew the time was near and thought I was prepared....but suddenly my strength was gone.
My friend from work drove me as fast as possible to the house....were you still there in the shadows?? Did you hear me call out for you?! Did you feel me crawl into bed with you?
Did you hear me ask what i will do without the only person on earth that truly loves me?
Do you know how much you meant to us?
Dad....I'm sorry my words and questions that came out were so selfish. I was was panicked and didn't know what to do. I couldn't fix things and was losing my mind. I know you didn't WANT to leave. I'm sure my questions made you feel worse. I know you understand.
❤ I love you dad. ❤
51-55, F
