I'd Like To Go Back In Time And Start Over
A few months ago I came across some old pictures from my old school (1976 - 1983) on the internet. That was in a different country where I grew up, in Brazil, where I lived from when I was 9 to 17 years old. I recognized several people, kids, and in one picture there was not one but two of my great crushes when I was 13 or 14 years old. So many memories, such different times... I was socially awkward, particularly with girls (there was no text messaging or kik or anything to make things smoother) and I look back and realize what an idiot I was... I barely was able to talk to them, maybe a couple of times, and before I knew I moved to another country with my family... When I found this picture I was all to happy to leave a comment, saying I had such great memories of those times... I wondered if anyone would remember who I was (I'm 51 now)... It was a small town and "everyone knew everyone", particularly those who attended the same school... I have great memories of those days, I was friends with everyone, and everyone seemed to "like me" somehow...
I was feeling a bit nostalgic today and thought I'd check that website again... maybe someone remembered who I was and posted a reply to my comment...? Well, what do you know...? Turns out my comment had been *deleted*... WTF...? So either they don't remember me or maybe someone spread a rumor about me and ruined my reputation or something...?
In any event... It was a life unlived... Had I not moved away with my family, who knows how would things have evolved...? Of course I have this urge to "go back", meet old friends, etc. Yet, I can't really go back... The *place* is all there: the school, the streets, the houses and buildings... But the people I want to meet have moved on... They have married, divorced, had children and even grandchildren... They've moved on in their lives without me, and at most I'm just a minor memory in their lives ([i]"oh yeah... THAT guy...!"[/i])
YOLO indeed... Mistakes that can't never be fixed, missed opportunities that can never be retaken... Words left unsaid, friends lost...
I know I shouldn't dwell in the past or bother with "what ifs", but the happier the memories, the more they hurt...
I was feeling a bit nostalgic today and thought I'd check that website again... maybe someone remembered who I was and posted a reply to my comment...? Well, what do you know...? Turns out my comment had been *deleted*... WTF...? So either they don't remember me or maybe someone spread a rumor about me and ruined my reputation or something...?
In any event... It was a life unlived... Had I not moved away with my family, who knows how would things have evolved...? Of course I have this urge to "go back", meet old friends, etc. Yet, I can't really go back... The *place* is all there: the school, the streets, the houses and buildings... But the people I want to meet have moved on... They have married, divorced, had children and even grandchildren... They've moved on in their lives without me, and at most I'm just a minor memory in their lives ([i]"oh yeah... THAT guy...!"[/i])
YOLO indeed... Mistakes that can't never be fixed, missed opportunities that can never be retaken... Words left unsaid, friends lost...
I know I shouldn't dwell in the past or bother with "what ifs", but the happier the memories, the more they hurt...
