I Am a Girl That Likes Girls
Hi everyone,but i get to the real story i need to give you all the details that lead to it. I've been caring for my 82year old grandmother full time. About 3 weeks ago my grandma got ill. She could no longer walk and couldn't go the bathroom or feed herself,so i did it all for her. I even began waking all night with her as she had problems falling asleep and was afraid to sleep by herself,plus her having to use the bathroom at night. Now 2 weeks ago,my grandma took in seriously ill,where she had to be taken to a hospital. She is still currently there and we all learned that the surgery she had 2 years ago to remove a cancerous growth was not successful. In-fact now the cancer has spread all through her body,which is the reason why she can no longer walk. The cancer is now in her brain and lungs and the doctors said she has between 2 weeks to a month left.
Now as you can imagine I have taken this really hard. My grandma and I have been close. I love her dearly. Now the real story is that tonight my girlfriend of 2 years called and she told me " you've been neglecting me and if this doesn't change I will leave" Now i will admit that yes due to my grandma first taking in ill then to her going to the hospital I have not been in my right mind and have neglected everything else in my life. I am watching my grandma deteriorate in front my eyes. I would text message my gf now and then,but i won't go into too much detail,cause she is also in a similar situation as me, she cares for her mother and her grandmother and on top of that works full time,so I don't want to burden her with some of my things,so i hold back. I will also admit that I am depressed and i told her this tonight and she said "you're a 28year old woman, you can't expect someone to cuddle you. You have responsibilities, put one foot infront the other and do it." I stayed quite and didn't respond.
Now i have this thing, I always do this and it can be a good thing and a bad thing, it's that when someone is angry with me i shut up and don't say anything, I always listen to the other person,but sometimes I wish i could speak up and say things when i don't like what is being said,but I am always scared to say anything incase i make the situation worse. Now my gf said since 3 weeks now I haven't showed her i cared or love her or that i appreciate her,but to be very honest that was the time my grandma first got sick and between waking all night and being up all day was getting to me, i got to the point where i felt like i was floating cause i hadn't slept in 3 days and i had told her what was going on and i was trying to make an effort,but i couldn't talk to her on the phone as long as i could,cause my grandma would call me when she needed me.
My gf exact words tonight were "it would hurt me to leave you,but you better ship up or i ship out" Now after being quiet for close to an hour I said "Ok i'm sorry,but my actions would have to speak louder than words, I will make a greater effort." Having to see my grandma every night opening her mouth when she wanted another spoon full of food breaks me. She is like a child now. I knew her being an independent woman. I don't know how i can be enthusiastic to talk to my gf when I get home. I feel like she doesn't understand,even though she says she does.
I am depressed and I don't know how to deal. I don't know how to deal with my grandma being on her death bed and I don't know how to deal with being a girlfriend right now. Maybe my gf is right, you know maybe i need to start acting like a 28 year old. Someone please leave me some advice or say something to me.
Now as you can imagine I have taken this really hard. My grandma and I have been close. I love her dearly. Now the real story is that tonight my girlfriend of 2 years called and she told me " you've been neglecting me and if this doesn't change I will leave" Now i will admit that yes due to my grandma first taking in ill then to her going to the hospital I have not been in my right mind and have neglected everything else in my life. I am watching my grandma deteriorate in front my eyes. I would text message my gf now and then,but i won't go into too much detail,cause she is also in a similar situation as me, she cares for her mother and her grandmother and on top of that works full time,so I don't want to burden her with some of my things,so i hold back. I will also admit that I am depressed and i told her this tonight and she said "you're a 28year old woman, you can't expect someone to cuddle you. You have responsibilities, put one foot infront the other and do it." I stayed quite and didn't respond.
Now i have this thing, I always do this and it can be a good thing and a bad thing, it's that when someone is angry with me i shut up and don't say anything, I always listen to the other person,but sometimes I wish i could speak up and say things when i don't like what is being said,but I am always scared to say anything incase i make the situation worse. Now my gf said since 3 weeks now I haven't showed her i cared or love her or that i appreciate her,but to be very honest that was the time my grandma first got sick and between waking all night and being up all day was getting to me, i got to the point where i felt like i was floating cause i hadn't slept in 3 days and i had told her what was going on and i was trying to make an effort,but i couldn't talk to her on the phone as long as i could,cause my grandma would call me when she needed me.
My gf exact words tonight were "it would hurt me to leave you,but you better ship up or i ship out" Now after being quiet for close to an hour I said "Ok i'm sorry,but my actions would have to speak louder than words, I will make a greater effort." Having to see my grandma every night opening her mouth when she wanted another spoon full of food breaks me. She is like a child now. I knew her being an independent woman. I don't know how i can be enthusiastic to talk to my gf when I get home. I feel like she doesn't understand,even though she says she does.
I am depressed and I don't know how to deal. I don't know how to deal with my grandma being on her death bed and I don't know how to deal with being a girlfriend right now. Maybe my gf is right, you know maybe i need to start acting like a 28 year old. Someone please leave me some advice or say something to me.
31-35, F
