I Am Venting
Venting again. Long story and if you already know my situation, keep scrolling.
10 years ago I was diagnosed with 3 chronic illnesses after spending 2 whole weeks unable to move or wake up. I couldn't lift my head. I could barely hold my eyes open. My roommate at that time became worried when I couldn't even rouse myself to eat meals or attend work. I had to leave my job because of those 2 weeks of almost coma-like sleep. It scared me.
I finally managed to get to a number of specialists, and was ultimately diagnosed with 3 chronic illnesses, which doctors suspect were behind my mysterious 2 week shutdown. My mom was with me when I was diagnosed. She personally HEARD the doctors explaining my illnesses to me. At her suggestion, I applied for disability benefits, since I had no idea when or if I would ever be able to work again. I had a lawyer and fought for 7 whole years to get disability, but got denied 5 times.
I could not continue to fight for it. I needed income. I had to return to work after all that time, despite my unpredictable health conditions. It was very difficult to find a job that I could physically handle. But I did eventually find a small-parts welding job that was light-duty and paid well. I loved it, and I was able to rent my own townhouse and live there with my then-new fiance (who also has health issues).
I thought I was on my way to getting back on my feet, but less than 4 months after I started at that job, the company downsized and let the entire 3rd shift staff go. That included me. 😞 So I was jobless, my fiance could not work, and I was going to lose my townhouse if I didn't find a job soon enough. Unfortunately it was the middle of winter and no one in my area was hiring. I went to several staffing agencies but none had anything to offer me. I resigned myself to the fact that I could not stay in my townhouse.
My fiance's parents immediately offered to help us move to Texas, where they live. They said they had a rental property we could live in rent-free if we could fix it up after the former tenants trashed it. We reluctantly agreed (we were disappointed to have to depend on his parents, and I didn't want to move to Texas).
My mom found out we were moving to TX and she made a half-assed offer for us to move in with her. (I say half-assed because she only offered AFTER she found out his parents had already offered). But my mom lives in a small 2 bedroom cabin, and at the time, she had her spare room completely full of junk. I had an entire townhouse full of furniture to somehow store or sell, and I was on a time limit of less than a month to move out if my house. So I declined my mom's offer and we moved to Texas with my fiance's parents.
Once we got here, we made the rental property our focus. We spent OUR money on cleaning it up and repainting it (the former tenants had TRASHED it). We did the minor repairs it needed. We had to bug bomb the place 4 times to get rid of the fleas. 😷 It was a lot of work. All this time, I was applying for work all over town. No one ever contacted me for an offer. We were running out of savings.
Then, as if things weren't bad enough, my future Mother in Law told us that she no longer wanted us to move into the rental property. She said she would prefer it if we lived in HER house instead. I absolutely did not want to live with his parents but honestly without any income, I had no choice. We had to move into one of their spare rooms, and endure my MIL's chain smoking despite the fact that I am highly allergic. We have zero freedom here because I have not found a job despite trying for 2 whole years. We are 100% controlled by his parents. (That's a story for another day)
So, a year ago, my mom contacted me and said she wants to sell her house and her two properties so that she can give me my inheritance before she dies- her words, not mine. She said she wanted to divide the money from the sale equally between herself, my brother, and me. She said she feels bad that my fiance and I are living this way and have no way out. She wants to help. She even offered to let us live with her until the house is sold. That would mean moving back to Tennessee. I was all for it. I knew I could get back on my feet there.
So all year we have been making plans. I was supposed to wait til tax time and use the money that my in-laws received for claiming me and my fiance (because we have lived here all year and they have supported us for the most part). My in-laws were all for it- they gave us the money right away and offered to help us move when the time came. Once the money was in hand, I contacted my mother to let her know we could start putting the year-long plan in motion.
I asked her if she had managed to get the closet in the spare room cleared out for us- a task I had been asking her to do for a whole year. She INSTANTLY blew up on me and started calling me bossy and saying she wasn't gonna have my "attitude" in her home, and that I needed to just stay in Texas. I was obviously crushed and kept trying to tell her I wasn't being bossy, I just needed that closet and since she'd had a whole year to start on it, I didn't know why it wasn't done. She called me every name in the book and even said she was afraid I would "look for ways to off her". WTF!!!! And she started ranting about how my illnesses weren't real, and she thinks I'm just throwing a pity party for myself.
That "off her" comment really drove home how much my mom's mental health has deteriorated, and honestly I worry that if I actually did move in with her, she would make an accusation like that and possibly have me arrested!! I don't trust her at all. But it really just slapped me in the face that she waited until the last minute to pick an argument with me and sabotage our plans. I know her like a book and I swear she did it on purpose. She has an online bf who lives in Chicago that she has not met yet, but she has already been talking about marriage and he has convinced her not to sell her property or house. She will do anything a man says once he shows interest in her. 🙄
So here I am, still stuck in TX with no hope of getting out. I have no friends, no family willing to help, and basically I feel hopeless. I guess my life is over and I will spend the rest of what time I have left fruitlessly trying to find work and dreaming of getting out of this situation.
I feel like people judge me because it appears to outsiders as though I am lazy perhaps, or wanting to be supported by others. I am FAR from lazy. I am SICK and doing the best I can to get on my feet with all the odds stacked against me. It really hurts that not even my own mother cares enough to extend a hand. I have never in my entire life asked her for help, ever. She is the one who offered to help me, then purposely sabotaged it right when it came time to pay the piper.
Long story. Sorry. I just needed to vent.
10 years ago I was diagnosed with 3 chronic illnesses after spending 2 whole weeks unable to move or wake up. I couldn't lift my head. I could barely hold my eyes open. My roommate at that time became worried when I couldn't even rouse myself to eat meals or attend work. I had to leave my job because of those 2 weeks of almost coma-like sleep. It scared me.
I finally managed to get to a number of specialists, and was ultimately diagnosed with 3 chronic illnesses, which doctors suspect were behind my mysterious 2 week shutdown. My mom was with me when I was diagnosed. She personally HEARD the doctors explaining my illnesses to me. At her suggestion, I applied for disability benefits, since I had no idea when or if I would ever be able to work again. I had a lawyer and fought for 7 whole years to get disability, but got denied 5 times.
I could not continue to fight for it. I needed income. I had to return to work after all that time, despite my unpredictable health conditions. It was very difficult to find a job that I could physically handle. But I did eventually find a small-parts welding job that was light-duty and paid well. I loved it, and I was able to rent my own townhouse and live there with my then-new fiance (who also has health issues).
I thought I was on my way to getting back on my feet, but less than 4 months after I started at that job, the company downsized and let the entire 3rd shift staff go. That included me. 😞 So I was jobless, my fiance could not work, and I was going to lose my townhouse if I didn't find a job soon enough. Unfortunately it was the middle of winter and no one in my area was hiring. I went to several staffing agencies but none had anything to offer me. I resigned myself to the fact that I could not stay in my townhouse.
My fiance's parents immediately offered to help us move to Texas, where they live. They said they had a rental property we could live in rent-free if we could fix it up after the former tenants trashed it. We reluctantly agreed (we were disappointed to have to depend on his parents, and I didn't want to move to Texas).
My mom found out we were moving to TX and she made a half-assed offer for us to move in with her. (I say half-assed because she only offered AFTER she found out his parents had already offered). But my mom lives in a small 2 bedroom cabin, and at the time, she had her spare room completely full of junk. I had an entire townhouse full of furniture to somehow store or sell, and I was on a time limit of less than a month to move out if my house. So I declined my mom's offer and we moved to Texas with my fiance's parents.
Once we got here, we made the rental property our focus. We spent OUR money on cleaning it up and repainting it (the former tenants had TRASHED it). We did the minor repairs it needed. We had to bug bomb the place 4 times to get rid of the fleas. 😷 It was a lot of work. All this time, I was applying for work all over town. No one ever contacted me for an offer. We were running out of savings.
Then, as if things weren't bad enough, my future Mother in Law told us that she no longer wanted us to move into the rental property. She said she would prefer it if we lived in HER house instead. I absolutely did not want to live with his parents but honestly without any income, I had no choice. We had to move into one of their spare rooms, and endure my MIL's chain smoking despite the fact that I am highly allergic. We have zero freedom here because I have not found a job despite trying for 2 whole years. We are 100% controlled by his parents. (That's a story for another day)
So, a year ago, my mom contacted me and said she wants to sell her house and her two properties so that she can give me my inheritance before she dies- her words, not mine. She said she wanted to divide the money from the sale equally between herself, my brother, and me. She said she feels bad that my fiance and I are living this way and have no way out. She wants to help. She even offered to let us live with her until the house is sold. That would mean moving back to Tennessee. I was all for it. I knew I could get back on my feet there.
So all year we have been making plans. I was supposed to wait til tax time and use the money that my in-laws received for claiming me and my fiance (because we have lived here all year and they have supported us for the most part). My in-laws were all for it- they gave us the money right away and offered to help us move when the time came. Once the money was in hand, I contacted my mother to let her know we could start putting the year-long plan in motion.
I asked her if she had managed to get the closet in the spare room cleared out for us- a task I had been asking her to do for a whole year. She INSTANTLY blew up on me and started calling me bossy and saying she wasn't gonna have my "attitude" in her home, and that I needed to just stay in Texas. I was obviously crushed and kept trying to tell her I wasn't being bossy, I just needed that closet and since she'd had a whole year to start on it, I didn't know why it wasn't done. She called me every name in the book and even said she was afraid I would "look for ways to off her". WTF!!!! And she started ranting about how my illnesses weren't real, and she thinks I'm just throwing a pity party for myself.
That "off her" comment really drove home how much my mom's mental health has deteriorated, and honestly I worry that if I actually did move in with her, she would make an accusation like that and possibly have me arrested!! I don't trust her at all. But it really just slapped me in the face that she waited until the last minute to pick an argument with me and sabotage our plans. I know her like a book and I swear she did it on purpose. She has an online bf who lives in Chicago that she has not met yet, but she has already been talking about marriage and he has convinced her not to sell her property or house. She will do anything a man says once he shows interest in her. 🙄
So here I am, still stuck in TX with no hope of getting out. I have no friends, no family willing to help, and basically I feel hopeless. I guess my life is over and I will spend the rest of what time I have left fruitlessly trying to find work and dreaming of getting out of this situation.
I feel like people judge me because it appears to outsiders as though I am lazy perhaps, or wanting to be supported by others. I am FAR from lazy. I am SICK and doing the best I can to get on my feet with all the odds stacked against me. It really hurts that not even my own mother cares enough to extend a hand. I have never in my entire life asked her for help, ever. She is the one who offered to help me, then purposely sabotaged it right when it came time to pay the piper.
Long story. Sorry. I just needed to vent.
41-45, F
