I Want to Make a Difference In the World

I used to. I wanted to get my fine arts degree and join the peace corps..or work for UNICEF. I wanted to work with children all over the globe helping them cope with trauma through art. I wanted it since I was a kid myself. Now when I say this is what I want to do it doesn't sound genuine. Its just out if habit I tell people now. It sounds unrealistic. My dreams aren't the same. In fact they are oddly simple now.
I can't have kids so I thought I'd be a mother to the world. I thought I was strong enough for that. I've been through so much and I'm still standing. After last year though everything changed. I'm bitter. I lost this very bright thing about me. My kindness has turned to silence and selfishness. I see it. I watch myself. How can I change back. I miss the girl that wanted to make a difference. I was into the feminist movement, human rights, and love in general. Now I dont give a shit to be honest. I dont care. I only care when it comes to myself and even then I dont really care.
I still very much know that there is that person still in me. I know in my heart these are things I want. I just dont know how to truly live for it like in did before.

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4meAndyou · F

Because you are an artist, you are more sensitive than most, and you will feel things more deeply. You will apply the perfectionism you bring to your art to yourself, and raise your own bar so high that it will be difficult for you to leap over it.

What I have learned, (because I was the same) is that it is indeed very difficult to help other people selflessly, as you thought to do. I worked in a Homeless Shelter, worked in a drug recovery shelter, worked with children, worked with Alzheimer's patients and the elderly, and one thing I can tell you is that human suffering is endless, and it can break a sensitive person who brings her feelings to her work.

I recommend you minor in fine arts, and major in Design, or, if you can bear it, another field altogether, like computer science....so that you will always have a job but can do your art in your spare time. A LOT of very talented artists give in to the need to eat and pay for their own apartment.

Once you have taken care of yourself, and have found a snug place in the world, turn your eyes to the available volunteer programs in your local area. There is a call for volunteerism everywhere...Habitat for Humanity is one such. Gradually as your dreams grow and change with you, you will see that your bright light flickered....but never went out. :)

Wish2ReliveThe70s · 56-60, M

You are going through what a lot of people go through in life. You CAN make a difference but I think you are thinking you would have the weight of the world on your shoulders if you try. Make a small difference in your own community and collectively, you and others doing the same CAN and WILL make a difference. I hope this helps. And btw, you do matter to the world.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

Can I ask what happend to cause you losing yourself?

lovingdead · 31-35, M

That girl you say you lost isn't unreachable, She's still very much there (hence wanting to find her again). Though you may have been consumed by darkness due to event it doesn't mean new light Can't be found? (What do you feel you need/want? (First thought in your mind)

DonaldTrumpet · 70-79, M

JOin a FuckinG BeautY pagenTs and TeLLs this StorY. If u HOTTs 9.9/10 and Has GoOd SoB StorY U wins

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