being borderline

every single thing i do say express or experinced is taken away from me because all i can think about is how i possible did wrong in a sistuation then i catastrophe it until i have thoughts of hating myself and wanting to die i feel like im the worlds biggest burren and i dont belong i can never enjoy myself around others because even in the moment its fine at times but when the after thought come i can see every way i fucked up and i cant stand it i have no friends or a relationship because the emotions are way to overwhelming and intense for me to go threw it and also have to take into the fact i dont want to annoy or worry anyone with my constent need for validation and love that i just cant see for yourself