I Live Inside My Mind
I live inside my mind primarily. This has always been a much needed distraction from the tedium of everyday life. I have always held on to the idea that the world’s my mind can conjure up for me offers more than the real world. Though that may no longer be the case...
I cannot recall how or when this started; that I would spend the majority of my time locked away in my mind. Perhaps it was boredom or loneliness that drove me there, perhaps that was always the way it was going to be and I really had no say in the matter.
I remember how strange I found this behavior in my mother when I was a child - yet now I am doing the exact same. I found myself withdrawing from the people around me because I would rather be somewhere else in my mind... just as she did. I find myself speaking less and less because the conversations I need to have, I have already had in my mind... just as she did. I find myself sitting in a semi-catatonic state for hours because I am too preoccupied with my thoughts and fantasies to bother moving... just as she did. I can no longer blame her. The mind is a powerful tool and it knows exactly what to show us in order to make us stay.
With all this being said; I still don’t see it as a bad thing. It is a welcome reprieve at times of severe strain or pressure. It is the force behind my compulsive planning and the ghost of my paranoia. I need it just as much as it needs me. What I need to remember though, is that logging hours in reality is needed as well. Especially now that I have something in reality that makes it worth participating in.
I am not saying that I am going to stop living inside my mind - but rather that I will spend some more time living in the real world. I like my current reality and would enjoy experiencing it fully... not miss out on it all because I was too busy living in a dream.
I cannot recall how or when this started; that I would spend the majority of my time locked away in my mind. Perhaps it was boredom or loneliness that drove me there, perhaps that was always the way it was going to be and I really had no say in the matter.
I remember how strange I found this behavior in my mother when I was a child - yet now I am doing the exact same. I found myself withdrawing from the people around me because I would rather be somewhere else in my mind... just as she did. I find myself speaking less and less because the conversations I need to have, I have already had in my mind... just as she did. I find myself sitting in a semi-catatonic state for hours because I am too preoccupied with my thoughts and fantasies to bother moving... just as she did. I can no longer blame her. The mind is a powerful tool and it knows exactly what to show us in order to make us stay.
With all this being said; I still don’t see it as a bad thing. It is a welcome reprieve at times of severe strain or pressure. It is the force behind my compulsive planning and the ghost of my paranoia. I need it just as much as it needs me. What I need to remember though, is that logging hours in reality is needed as well. Especially now that I have something in reality that makes it worth participating in.
I am not saying that I am going to stop living inside my mind - but rather that I will spend some more time living in the real world. I like my current reality and would enjoy experiencing it fully... not miss out on it all because I was too busy living in a dream.
