I Dont Know What to Call This

I want to see the latest movie of my life. Apparently God keeps on showing it to my enemies instead of me. Those who gang stalk me, and go around telling everyone and their dog about me. I am nothing special. Why would God even make a movie about what's in my heart, would I be ashamed or even a little embarrassed by it, probably. I can't help it, I'm wishy washy, I dwell on the past, I lay in bed day in and day out only going to appointments and missing a few here or there. I'm so lazy and in pain because I gained too much weight too fast, this sedentary life style has caused my arteries to clog up. And I think that I'm slowly dying. Nothing here to see. I'm not a fan of what the devil plants into my head, I'm not a fan of the thoughts that run through my head, I lay here dreaming that I'll win a financial windfall so that my husband could pay our bills instead of going out and getting a job. I'm bed ridden and I think about getting a job, yeah I don't think I'd last a week! My back aches so much just from sitting. Let alone doing any manual labor. I'm so out of shape it isn't even funny. And it's the medication that made me gain so much weight, that plus all of the sugar in my coffee and the sedentary life style. It's just aweful I'm killing myself slowly, and for that I'm sorry. Either I give up or make some kind of drastic change. Part of me doesn't want to live like this anymore, being talked about behind my back every which way I turn, having movies inspired by my life that I cannot deny being true because I know that God cannot lie, and it is the truth, even if I am ashamed or embarrassed by it. Which leaves me treading on thin ice, I could fall at the single angry voice of one person who dissaproves of my movie. Heck even I dissapprove of it. Even though it's not all bad, but It hurts me to hurt others and trust me it hurts others and makes a fool out of me. Maybe I am a fool. Maybe I am that corrupt. I'm sorry I was never perfect....In fact I am the least of these. I blob. A corrupted blob, that is demon possessed who only turned to God to get away from my demons. And to have someone to love. I am frail. I am weak. I don't think I could survive another fall. So please don't cast stones at me for the movie of my life. He who is without sin cast the first stone, you are not without sin, and neither am I.

SoFine · 46-50, F

Your body, is not your true self, yes you have one, so that you can communicate within the dream state.
You play a victim very well, you are so grounded in been a victim, then no wonder you attract what you attract.
The key is your daily thinking, what you think, you become.

That is why the Gold is to be at peace with who you are. To be at peace is possible. One way is daily constant mind still, with quite still meditation you can attain this peace. Meditation helps to notice your mind chatter you have about you. You chatter at you, you run you down. You don't need an enemy, you are it to you. Peace at mind, is so freeing. Then no internal chatter by you, to drive you insane.

The best gift - is mind peace.
Then give it to you, you can or be the victim your mind tells you, that you are.

To be at peace....it's possible (you are the key)

Pfuzylogic · M

Some simple walks outside might get you out of the sedentary lifestyle. I am writing a book and it is giving me plenty of purpose.
My story is pure imagination but I discovered that a few induced incidents of schizophrenia let me know I could make incredible stories for others to read! 😊

saintsong · 41-45, F

@Pfuzylogic If I was poetic I would have written songs many moons ago and travelled the world to sing them with my talented voice. But I was never a good song writer so I never persued a career in entertainment like most people who have my condition. If I were to ever keep a job that would be one I could have fallen back on and it could have saved my life and kept me fit.