I Loved Someone That Didn't Love Me

There is nothing rewarding or romantic about unrequited love. Several close members of my own family, including a former wife, have deliberately lied to and cheated me at one time and then afterwards sought my help in times of personal difficulty. It is difficult to come to terms with the fact that someone you love is mistreating you, but the longer you put up with it the worse you feel about yourself. Their treatment of me was unconscionable and I ended up feeling angry not at them, but at myself for putting up with it. When I finally took back control of my own life by saying no to them about certain behaviours, those relationships ended badly. They didn't have to end at all. I did not want to exclude them from my life, I simply had to draw the line on some of these dishonest behaviours and the unreasonable excuses they gave me when they bothered to offer any excuse at all. When I started saying no to them about certain particular things they excluded themselves by breaking off all contact proving conclusively that they knew their expectations were unreasonable. I divided our assets fairly and gave her a generous share of the house I bought, saw my children at weekends and paid child support until they both left school and became able to support themselves. All of this must have been terrible for our two children, it wasn't that great for me either. Why do people do it? As I've said elsewhere on Similar Worlds real winners don't cheat and cheats don't win.

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SW-User

It's dishearthening when things like this happens, yet it's also feel empowering, to be able to stand up for what is right. To draw one's boundaries is hard, but it's worth it.🙂

BrotherJuniper · 70-79, M

Wow. People act like that on here a lot, but in real life... Sad that you have been through that.

will999 · 70-79, M

Hello BrotherJuniper. It's not completely without consolation. I could have made better choices in those relationships. Objecting to unconscionable behaviour is an ordeal in any close personal relationship and if that person withdraws from you because you ask or expect them to be reasonable and honest it proves that they're not even willing to try and you may very well be better off without them. It still hurts though, but when you recognise your mistake and decide to learn from it you don't have to keep making that same mistake over and over as I've seen some people do and you probably have too. My children are both grown now and my daughter is married with two boys of her own. I'm lonely sometimes but not as angry. I don't want to draw my kids into a dispute that is not about them and has the potential to hurt them so I don't say a lot to them about it unless they bring it up. On the odd rare occasion when another woman clearly expresses an interest in me I am free to run with it as long as she is. I've had some interesting times there too but that's another story. I try to avoid getting involved with women who already have an intimate commitment. It's very complicated and I did not like it when it happened to me.

BrotherJuniper · 70-79, M

@will999: It sounds like you really have thoughts things through and are learning and making good choices. I hope your happiness will grow over time.

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