I Loved Someone That Didn't Love Me
Six Months Down, And It Still Hurts Like Hell...
-Story of my life. No other way to describe it. I fell in love. And she, she was the most amazing, smart, beautiful girl I have ever met. For whole five years I would meet her nearly every day, and for all that time I felt nothing towards her. Until the very end. Less than a month before she would leave my life forever. I am such a fool of a man. Blind, even though I see. Deaf, even though I hear.
I am such a fool of a man.
If only I had realized sooner. If only I hadn't dismissed it as a quirk of emotions. A splutter of heart. I could have done something. I could have done something to become a part of her life. But I doubted myself. Doubted the depth of my emotion. Weary of my own demons. And I did nothing. Until it became too late. Far too late, to do anything, save to crush this heart of mine.
I faced my failure with dignity, as only a failure of a man could muster. But deep inside, where the demons fester, I did not handle it as well as I wanted the world to believe. As I wanted myself to believe. Hindsight is a ***** they say. I can see now, looking back, how my personality changed, even if the changes were so small no one else could. I got darker. Less patient. Angry. Well... more so. Before, I could lift myself out of depression with but a thought. A moment of focus. But no more... maybe never again.
And I miss her. Even now. I nearly convinced myself that I stopped caring for her.
I am such a fool of a man. Now more than ever. For still feeling the way I do. I should have crushed this heart of mine. But I don't have the 'heart' for it.
And so, I shoulder the hurt. Shoulder the shame. Because there is no one else to blame.
I am not a man of prayer, but I pray. I pray that she never has to suffer. That every day that follows brings her more joy than the last, and less than the ones to come.
And me? I carry on alone. Like I always had. Like I always will. I am the man of legends. But not all legends were that of a happy ending.
-Story of my life. No other way to describe it. I fell in love. And she, she was the most amazing, smart, beautiful girl I have ever met. For whole five years I would meet her nearly every day, and for all that time I felt nothing towards her. Until the very end. Less than a month before she would leave my life forever. I am such a fool of a man. Blind, even though I see. Deaf, even though I hear.
I am such a fool of a man.
If only I had realized sooner. If only I hadn't dismissed it as a quirk of emotions. A splutter of heart. I could have done something. I could have done something to become a part of her life. But I doubted myself. Doubted the depth of my emotion. Weary of my own demons. And I did nothing. Until it became too late. Far too late, to do anything, save to crush this heart of mine.
I faced my failure with dignity, as only a failure of a man could muster. But deep inside, where the demons fester, I did not handle it as well as I wanted the world to believe. As I wanted myself to believe. Hindsight is a ***** they say. I can see now, looking back, how my personality changed, even if the changes were so small no one else could. I got darker. Less patient. Angry. Well... more so. Before, I could lift myself out of depression with but a thought. A moment of focus. But no more... maybe never again.
And I miss her. Even now. I nearly convinced myself that I stopped caring for her.
I am such a fool of a man. Now more than ever. For still feeling the way I do. I should have crushed this heart of mine. But I don't have the 'heart' for it.
And so, I shoulder the hurt. Shoulder the shame. Because there is no one else to blame.
I am not a man of prayer, but I pray. I pray that she never has to suffer. That every day that follows brings her more joy than the last, and less than the ones to come.
And me? I carry on alone. Like I always had. Like I always will. I am the man of legends. But not all legends were that of a happy ending.
31-35, M
