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I Loved Someone That Didn't Love Me

She was a close friend. I knew her for a year and she seemed perfect. Really feminine, intelligent, soft-spoken and stunningly beautiful (at least in my eyes). I mustered my courage one day and clumsily blurted out my feelings. She said three words which impaled my heart "Don't talk rubbish" and left. She got awkward after that and started avoiding me. I was told later by a mutual friend that she gets annoyed and uncomfortable every time I glance in her direction. So I decided I wouldn't glance again. She kept becoming more and more beautiful but I never glanced. I stopped sitting with them and started hanging out with a different set of guys. It was the first time I had ever mustered the courage to confess my love for someone. It left a gaping hole. I lost a friend and a love.

A mutual friend of ours, another girl, then told me "Never lose a friend to get a girlfriend; it's a bad trade."

So I swallowed my feelings and continued with my life. The gossip had spread like wildfire. I was talk of the whole campus. It was so awkward between us that if we were alone in the same room, the sheer awkwardness would kill all the plants in a 50 metre radius! I began to resent this girl. I got annoyed. Three years of resentment went by. I finally called her up one day after we had passed out of college. I didn't want to resent her anymore. I didn't want to hate anymore. I wanted to move on. I made the call. She answered and I said hi. I said I was sorry for making things awkward. She laughed. Oh I thought I was over her. But when she laughed. Oh god. BAM! A huge dam of emotion exploded and all those repressed feelings came back. All the love came back with a vengeance. For a moment, I was madly in love with her again. I experienced that feeling one last time, coursing through my blood into every sinew of my body. And then, I let that feeling go forever.

My first confession was a train wreck. Through this wreckage, I learnt something about myself: I am strong enough to overcome ANYTHING! Through the pain, I distilled strength. Through heartbreak, my heart grew stronger. Through the self-doubt, I extracted faith. Through the misery, I gained a little bit of wisdom. Through fear, I developed courage.

And now, everything is right with the world because through darkness, I found my own light.
jason230868
Hi I've just read your experience and hope you don't mind me responding.

It must happen everywhere, a bar, at work wherever. I call them missed opportunities. It's when you catch sight of someone (don't have to know them) and you instantly believe you've found love. What do most people do? Don't pursue it and then before you know it the person has left the room and your life. Yes I agree there is more chance of this stranger not being that person but what if? Missed opportunity and I wish people would understand what it feels like to sample a bit of this.
Well you my friend had 3 years of it and the way you went about things at the end was a credit to you and will do nothing but good for your self esteem in the future. We all lose a bit of confidence when we are faced with talking to a beautiful woman or man and nerves click in. The reason what you did was such a good move is because if you hadn't said anything you would of regretted that for ever. Or at least until you found a partner that knocked the socks of the one you've mentioned. It would of been a missed opportunity but the difference being your feelings were a bit deeper than those of someone seeing a stranger in some bar. I hope I'm right when I say I think if ever you see love in the way of a drop dead gorgeous woman you won't have any hesitation to approach. Watch this space.

The friend bit and losing them nonsense. Sorry to be so straight with you here but ask yourself this. Could you really enjoy hanging around with this person when there would be times she has some bloke with her? No you wouldn't. Us men only have girl friends if we fancy them. Nothing else. I'm generalising here so I know there's the odd case.

The things you mentioned you got from this cannot be taught. If you had started a relationship with this girl and she ended it at some stage, that feeling which is horrendous, cannot be taught. These are experiences you have to go through in order to gain the mechanics of how it all works.
The more I see the more I know. The more I know the less I understand.

Now I'm on the same page perhaps you can open up a bit more in the future regarding our messages because mate I so want you to be happy and I will help you as much as possible.

Germany have just scored aswell
jason230868
Remember you can't help your feelings
AgniousPrime · 31-35, M
If I had a time machine, would I go back to change that moment? NOPE! It may have turned out badly but it was a great learning experience. Besides! It's a great story to tell after you've had a few drinks! ;D
NekoGummy
Like you wrote in a comment below, I think it's a key point to understand that others around us are also just struggling with themselves in life and love and not out to hurt us on purpose. I think it's great you had the courage to be open about your feelings, it might have worked out after all. And I'm glad you found your own light in the end :)
AgniousPrime · 31-35, M
Thanks. But I must admit there are times I forget the lessons I have learnt and need to be reminded.
NekoGummy
Yeah, me too, it's part of life I guess :D
javeachica
I love your story even though it is painful. Someone I know experienced a similar situation so it resonated with me. Your courage and determination to close this open wound interests and impresses me - I like your style!
javeachica
I know what you mean. I rang up the head teacher who had made my life pretty miserable at school years before. Amazingly she was still there, and answered the phone. It was one of those moments in life that was important, and I knew it would be! I just wanted to let her know I had been carrying that burden, and now wanted to put it down. She was in complete denial at first and asked me for examples, I gave her several! There was a stunned silence, and then she was big enough to say she felt mortified. She said she remembered it all clearly, and power had gone to her head back then. It was such a great outcome, to speak to her as an adult, tell her how I had felt back then, and for her to ask my forgiveness. It was so healing, hopefully for her as well as me.
AgniousPrime · 31-35, M
I guess problems only occur because we are afraid to bring up the tough issues. We forget that all those people who hurt us or abused us are also probably doing it because they've been hurt before and don't realise what they're doing. Once you look past that and see the person within, you find that the other person is also hurting just like you. And then, it becomes so much easier to forgive.
jason230868
One day mate you will realise that not only were you not talking rubbish but you were actually talking to rubbish
GreenPanda2015
I wish I could feel that way
GreenPanda2015
I don't want to suffer anymore
AgniousPrime · 31-35, M
It's all in your control. Take charge and take your power back from people who took it away from you. If you want to stop hurting, make that call and empty the cesspool of feelings that remains within.
GreenPanda2015
There is no call to make. I've done everything short of writing a letter.

 
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