I Am Trying to Break My Bad Habits
--Blame vs. Responsibility--
When you do something wrong, don't blame yourself and beat yourself up for it. Don't just wail about how you did it and how it was terrible. Don't just wallow in guilt and scream about how terrible a person you are. More often than not, all of these things are ways of tricking yourself into thinking you're doing something about it when really, you're avoiding doing something about it.
Take responsibility for it. Blame is about the past. Responsibility is about the future - about choosing the path your future takes by deciding whether or not you're going to change your course.
Habits and old patterns can sometimes be really, really hard to change, especially in the short term. When you act ba<x>sed on long standing, deep seated patterns of action and emotion, there's a limit to how much you're really to blame for your actions. Sometimes it takes time to be ready to make the big changes in our lives. But no matter how strong your habits are, no matter how hard it is to break free of them, no matter how much you might not be to blame for them, you're still 100% responsible for all of your actions. Even if you're not always to blame, you're always responsible.
That's not a reason to beat yourself up - it's a reason to do something about it. If you're not ready to take the big steps, then start taking some smaller ones. Get help from friends, family, or other sources of support - not so that they can do it for you, but so that they can help to support you in doing it for yourself. As long as you're pushing yourself in the right direction, with as much or as little strength as you have right now, then that's enough. Self discipline is like endurance training - at first maybe you'll get winded after 5 minutes - but the more you do it, the better you get at it, until one day you can run far enough to reach any distant destination.
When you do something wrong, don't blame yourself and beat yourself up for it. Don't just wail about how you did it and how it was terrible. Don't just wallow in guilt and scream about how terrible a person you are. More often than not, all of these things are ways of tricking yourself into thinking you're doing something about it when really, you're avoiding doing something about it.
Take responsibility for it. Blame is about the past. Responsibility is about the future - about choosing the path your future takes by deciding whether or not you're going to change your course.
Habits and old patterns can sometimes be really, really hard to change, especially in the short term. When you act ba<x>sed on long standing, deep seated patterns of action and emotion, there's a limit to how much you're really to blame for your actions. Sometimes it takes time to be ready to make the big changes in our lives. But no matter how strong your habits are, no matter how hard it is to break free of them, no matter how much you might not be to blame for them, you're still 100% responsible for all of your actions. Even if you're not always to blame, you're always responsible.
That's not a reason to beat yourself up - it's a reason to do something about it. If you're not ready to take the big steps, then start taking some smaller ones. Get help from friends, family, or other sources of support - not so that they can do it for you, but so that they can help to support you in doing it for yourself. As long as you're pushing yourself in the right direction, with as much or as little strength as you have right now, then that's enough. Self discipline is like endurance training - at first maybe you'll get winded after 5 minutes - but the more you do it, the better you get at it, until one day you can run far enough to reach any distant destination.
36-40, M
