600 years ago today on a cold north pole night something magical happened under a star that shined so bright that is right it is the birth of our lord saviour baby jesus christ. a lot of people sometimes always forget the true story of christmas time so pull up a seat or borrow a stool from a friend and listen to the tale of the newborn king. when mary was lay in her bedroom on christmas eve feeling really excited for it being christmas day a angel whos name is called gabron floated down from heaven to tell her that while she was sleeping the other night santa claus laid an egg inside of her and mary said i cant believe it and then gabron did a massive screaming laugh that sounded like someone rolling a barrel of children off a roof and he said well we will see about that haha and then he tapped his finger on his nose 3 times and he did a slow motion wink and then he completely vanished into a puff of steam and then mary ran over to her boyfriend josephs house and she told him that santa claus had laid an egg inside of her and joseph said he couldnt believe it and mary said i know it is the one thing i least expected to happen and then suddenly a bright star whos name is called north appeared in the sky above them and he told them to follow him quickly before it is too late so mary and joseph climbed onto a donkeys back and they galloped after the star which led them to a barn in the middle of the north pole and he said this is where you are going to have your baby and mary said are you actually kidding me this place is so disgusting and it stinks of camels and the star said i know but it is the best i could do at this short notice and joseph said fair enough this will do i suppose and he looked at mary and rolled his eyes and then the star said good and it disappeared into the darkness and then 3 wise men came to the barn because they heard there was some sort of birthing going to be happening and joseph said they could watch if they each give mary a gift so they gave mary some gold earrings a 6 pack of frankfurter sausages and a olly murs cd because those are the things that she enjoys the most and then as quickly as a christmas wish mary starts pooing the egg out of her bum and one of the 3 wise men bursts out laughing when he sees the top of the egg coming out of marys bum and his laughing makes the other wise men burst out laughing as well and joseph kept on looking at them and tutting and then he said either you three just shut up or just stand outside of the barn because you are putting my mary off laying her egg and then mary did one last thick deep push and the egg completely slid out of her bum and landed on the barn floor and cracked open and baby jesus slowly climbed out of the egg and when joseph sees jesus he cant believe how big he is and he screams jesus christ he is massive and that is why they decided to call him jesus christ because it is what everyone always says when they first see the size of him and as mary and joseph and baby jesus and the three wise men all lay in the barn cuddling each others legs they hear the sound of sleigh bells high above their heads and at that very moment they knew that the spirit of christmas will forever live on inside of each and every single one of us for as long as baby jesus name is remembered and that is why on christmas eve santa claus lays an egg down everyones chimneys so they will always be reminded of that magical night when mary laid our lord saviour baby jesus christ out of her bum and into our hearts. love from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist) xox
