I Think I Am Depressed

But I don't know. It's not like I want to kill myself, or hurt myself in any way. I don't want to die. My whole life I've struggled with severe anxiety that can, more often than not, get in the way of my day-to-day life. But recently I've managed to control it. I have a grip on it now. I've been meeting new people and making new friends like crazy in the past few weeks, and honestly, it makes me very happy. Up until yesterday, I've been having one of my closest friends sleeping over at my house. Thanks to him, I think I might have had one of the best summers in my life. But now that he's living somewhere else, I kinda feel empty inside.

It wasn't bad yesterday, or even earlier today. I just figured, "Oh, alright, he's not here any more, but he'll come and visit and spend a few nights every so often." Earlier today I went to the mall. I was hoping to see some of my friends, the new ones that I've made. But for the hour or so I was there, I didn't see anyone. Which put me into a bad mood, but I wasn't feeling like how I'm feeling now.

But a little less than an hour ago (I think?) the loneliness really started hitting me. I'm bored. I'm so bored, I can't even find enjoyment in watching Netflix or scrolling through Similar Worlds or watching YouTube videos. My eyes feel heavy, my stomach feels weird like there's this bottomless pit in there. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, except I'm not, I have no reason to cry and if I try to, I can't. But this feeling is lurking over me and I don't know what to do. Is it just loneliness? Am I beginning to become depressed? This feeling isn't anything new, but it's starting to worry me.