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I Am Alone

Mostly it just feels like I'm talking to myself anyway.
Living life inside my mind is the only existence I've known, sometimes I think about being an animal with fewer brain cells to worry about getting depressed about the bullshit of life, but I could never give this perspective up now that I've seen through my mind.
Being human is terrible. God was mistaken to think he'd finished the job. Instincts and rationality don't mix and it's stupid to think about my potential as a thinker being sapped by stupid feelings. It's stupid to think my time could be cut short because I live inside a body that drifts toward the peacefulness of suicide whenever I'm not monitoring it. I don't want to die, but it's my least conscience moments I imagine dying, and it sounds sweet. bittersweet. No, I can't. To choose any time other than the one that arrives when you don't expect it, is making the eternal rest before life to have gone in vain, and the eternal rest after death to be less than it could, than it should have been.
We are surrounded by nothingness on either side of our time here. It continues forever both ways. To waste a moment of this interlude is to waste an eternity. To miss a moment of happiness, a moment of satisfaction, is to lose out on everything. The value of each moment is amplified by an infinite number of days with no value.
What if I die and go to hell? Better to believe and be safe than sorry, there's no cost if you're wrong. NO! Complete bullshit. To let one opportunity pass you by because you're tied to a belief in God, is to pay the price of eternal regrets. Not the kind you can witness, but the kind that just is, absent your mind to feel them. Your timeline will always be marked as less than if you don't find a way to make it everything you can make it. So get up, don't let the feelings of sadness take away your joy, joy is deeper than feelings, joy is experiencing the newness that is life. Joy is living itself. Grasp it! It's directly in front of you, you just have to let go of the life you think you have to have, and grab onto the wild ride that is true life. It is your redemption to be free! Free yourself and experience a breath before your last, free yourself and open your mind to dream for as long as this one lasts, free the being inside of you to feel life outside of your bodily constraint while it still supports you with life.
No regrets till the end... that is salvation.
angelchoir
I couldn't even read all of this..................please, go do something fun. It's possible to enjoy life I promise. I recommend pinball, or go carts :) Heck I might myself go to chuck e cheese today (I like the pinball machine there : ) Hope you get feeling better!
ReasonablyInsane · 26-30, M
Thank you very much, you're a very kind person and your words really do mean something. I have the most fun creating new things, I always feel like I'm wasting time if I do something purely for enjoyment, at least for the most part.
The end is the most hopeful part I must say, I get quite a bit more optimistic.
girlie95
For years I have been unable to fall asleep without imagining myself dying. The peacefulness of it is an addiction. Thanks for sharing, you're not alone.
ReasonablyInsane · 26-30, M
Hey thanks :) And neither are you. Alone, that is :) Keep it up! You're compassionate and I love to see that in people.

 
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