I Want to Be In a Healthy Loving Relationship

I don't feel like a gf, I feel like someone's mother. I feel like I make all the effort and still there is more need. I feel like I forgive all the time, when there is no forgiveness for me. My one refusal to take part has made things very clear, things were only calm because I played ball.

I feel drained, manipulated and tired. This isn't love at all.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

Hi, there. Took me twenty years to catch on to this and leave. If you feel something's wrong, something is. If you have to change who you are to stay, leave. Realize that there really is nothing there for you and leaving becomes easier. You don't even have to assign blame. "I am a bird and I'm trying to live amicably in a school of fish."

Being a fish is legitimate and being a bird is legitimate, but they can't live together.

Is leaving hard? Only if you make it so. In the end, you walk to the door, turn the knob, and go.

Good luck, honey.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

@ZenKitzune That sounds healthy.

Mamapolo2016 · F

Complete change in tone - "I know a thing or two about leaving" is about as excellent a song title as I've heard lately.

ZenKitzune · F

@Mamapolo2016 lol yeah. I am pretty hands off emotionally, I'm supportive but I don't let shit get to me as I once would have. I am just surprised at this recent outburst of nonsense. He appears to be treating me like a parent more than a gf who could and might leave! My plan is to leave him to think about things, and hopefully realise what he has.

AwesomeMcAwesome · 36-40, M

No relationship should be 1 sided. If it isn’t making you happy or a better person, walk away

SardonicasCurse

Seeing past the emotions to see truth can be difficult. You deserve the same forgiveness and care that you put in. Keep yourself in mind and don’t loose yourself for others happiness.

ZenKitzune · F

@SardonicasCurse I have stepped back and there is carnage. I have definitely gained new perspective.

SardonicasCurse

@ZenKitzune I hope you are able to make it out unscathed.

SW-User

I can relate. I enabled that person to be who they are far too long. Now I'm just an asshole until they catch up with reality.

ZenKitzune · F

@SW-User It is the hands off thing that has sparked this tantrum from them. It's pretty interesting what you can and cannot get away with with people.

SW-User

If everything is not right, move on. You deserve more than this

Mamapolo2016 · F

I signed off and realized I should say this. It took me TWENTY YEARS. I am by no means being judgmental of you.

I am a past master of 'not to decide is to decide.'

ZenKitzune · F

@Mamapolo2016 I lived with a guy for 9 years, he was abusive. I know thing or two about leaving. I don't live with my bf, I never would live with anyone again. This is a very different situation.

Jimgeneration60 · 61-69, M

Permission to talk to you as to ask questions to help your thinking. Jimmy age 59

ZenKitzune · F

@Jimgeneration60 My thinking just needs time.

Jimgeneration60 · 61-69, M

@ZenKitzune can agree relationships take time yes. What do you both have in common??. Are any in common up close and personal secret levels?

TopOfTheWorld

Do you have to stay because of children? If not, I'd get out of there if I were you, life's too short to waste in an unhappy relationship.

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