I Want to Be In a Healthy Loving Relationship
So, wow. There has been a while since I last wrote something. I usually begin writing again when somethings is wrong and it fills my mind.
Yes. About one and a half a year ago I met my partner who I love so strongly that I don't know what to do with myself and this feeling. I could go on and on about this feeling. But I won't in this story.
We have now been together for over a year, but in about a year we are done with the obligatory schoolyears in Sweden. Wich means choice, freedom and graduation. I've been concidering this back and forth for about 7 years, but now I've made my choice; I am joining the Swedish armed forces (military) for the basic training programme and am going to educate myself to a rangers position within this. Since I made this choice it is legally binding, I need to do this now. And I needed to make this desicion for me. Otherwise I would have wondered and proboably wouldn't find anything else that is as challenging and profiting as this. I need this. But I am afraid.
You see, this means going away from my home town for 1-1.5 year with a (proboably) 20 hours journey home. Wich means that in less than a year I will say the most difficult goodbye so far in my life.
I am so, so afraid that my choice will be our ending. It seems so silly, we have only bee together for a year and still I am scared of what will happen in a year. But I can't help it.
I see a future in him. A life. A home. I want to get to know the future him as well as I know him now. I want to grow together, build a home, a potential family, go on big and small adventures together. I want him in my life at the best and worst. I want him, no matter what and I am willing to wait. But as I want all this with him I am scared, rattled to the very bones that the goodbye will be more terminal than I can manage.
Damn it how I love you, I want to build something with you, not lose you.
Yes. About one and a half a year ago I met my partner who I love so strongly that I don't know what to do with myself and this feeling. I could go on and on about this feeling. But I won't in this story.
We have now been together for over a year, but in about a year we are done with the obligatory schoolyears in Sweden. Wich means choice, freedom and graduation. I've been concidering this back and forth for about 7 years, but now I've made my choice; I am joining the Swedish armed forces (military) for the basic training programme and am going to educate myself to a rangers position within this. Since I made this choice it is legally binding, I need to do this now. And I needed to make this desicion for me. Otherwise I would have wondered and proboably wouldn't find anything else that is as challenging and profiting as this. I need this. But I am afraid.
You see, this means going away from my home town for 1-1.5 year with a (proboably) 20 hours journey home. Wich means that in less than a year I will say the most difficult goodbye so far in my life.
I am so, so afraid that my choice will be our ending. It seems so silly, we have only bee together for a year and still I am scared of what will happen in a year. But I can't help it.
I see a future in him. A life. A home. I want to get to know the future him as well as I know him now. I want to grow together, build a home, a potential family, go on big and small adventures together. I want him in my life at the best and worst. I want him, no matter what and I am willing to wait. But as I want all this with him I am scared, rattled to the very bones that the goodbye will be more terminal than I can manage.
Damn it how I love you, I want to build something with you, not lose you.
