I Have Lost Friends To Drama
This is like a follow up from my last post, so if u wanna understand the full story check that out.
Now I am gonna talk about Paula. There isn’t much to say than what’s already been said. She was just another friend in the group. One thing I had in common with her is that we both felt the same thing for Jacobe. Usually in these type of situations people turn against eachother, but we kinda bonded over it. We would talk about how sweet, handsome, generous, smart and down to earth he was, and sometimes we gush about his ass in those tight jeans. It went so far that there was this one time she asked me if I could send her a picture of him from his instegram, she asked me this because she didn’t have integram, no one else knew about her feelings and if she had asked anyone else they would think she was crazy. The reason she wanted it was to make a copy of it and glue it on one of her folders. I thougth it was a bit wierd and honestly I don’t remember if I helped her out with that or not. She once told me that even her little siblings knew Jacobe just from her talking about him at home. Nerea knew about our feelings for Jacobe but she didn’t like him that much, it’s wasn’t hate, but she was just not into him as much as we were, she told me it was because 2-3 years ago she had feelings for him, and when he found out about it he made fun of her feelings with some of his friends, and she haven’t felt that way about him ever since. Still me and Paula would defend him, and say stuff “Oh he has changed, it’s probably wasn’t that bad”. I also remember something else, this one time, in clase me and Paula talked about her feelings(just hers) for Jacobe on a note we passed to eachother during class. I later told her(in person) to tell him she have feelings for him, maybe he might feel the same way, she said she would love to, but was too shy and that if it’s a no she would never be able to talk to him again. So we planned that I would somehow “misplace” the note where me and Paula talk about her feelings for him and have it soemhow appear in Jacobe’s bag, which shouldn’t be that wierd because he use to sit next to me. So after recess, just before anyone else comes in, I put the note inside his bag and when he came in I acted as if I was looking for something and asked him if he had seen a note, and he of course said no because he hadn’t looked in his bag yet. Me and Paula expected him to either talk to me or her about the note the next day, but…nothing, days went by and nothing. It was almost a month later I think, and one day, during class, Jacobe was like “Oh, I have something I wanna talk to you about” and pulled out the note and was like “What’s this?” I looked at it and frozed, because I had totally forgot about it. He was like “So Paula likes me?” I just took the note and read what we wrote and laughed so much I was in tears. The reason I was laughing because we planned things out so differently from the way the turned out. I asked him why he read it, that it wasn't meant for him to read, he said, well if you find a note in your bag with you name on it, you would read it too. He didn’t feel the same way about her, he once said to me “I rather date someone like you than to be with her”, I didn’t notice it at the time, but that was an insult not just to Paula and her feelings but also to me. I was too caught up in my feelings for him and thought that was actually a compliment to me. At the time I thought he didn’t know about my feelings for him because our friendship was still steady and we hadn’t got to the part were we had that last conversation where I revealed to him how I felt about him.
After that, after we had that last conversation and I spent my christmas vacation crying, as I said earlier we somehow gat to a point where we could still talk to eachother but it was never the same. I hated him and what he made me go through, but I somehow convinced myself that that was all in the past and we should move on. Anyway Paula kept talking to me about him and her feelings for him and how he such a great guy, of course she noticed something changed between me and him but didn’t know what acutally happend. From that moment on…let’s just say I wasn’t the nicest when ever she would talk about him, and still yet she defended and supported him no matter what I say. Thing kinda changed one day during gym. I was just standing on my own and Jacobe came over and was like “Hey, has Paula ever had a boyfriend?” and I thought he might finally be interested in her, so I answered “Not since I have known her, no”. I then asked why, to know if in fact he was interested in her, His answer was “Nothing, just that I was standing over there, and when I looked over to her she waved at me with a wierd expresion on her face” he then procced to show me the expresion and added “It’s was so pathetic”. I was sooo gutted by what he said that I couldn’t physically pretend I was ok with it.I didn’t say anything and was trying to pretend but I must have done something because he noticed and said “Don’t be offended” and I said I dont’s care and left. I wanted to kep it to myself and not let anyone know, but on our way home I talked to Nerea about it and she was just as mad about it as I was, we both knew just how much she loved him, we heared her defend him countless times and for him to think poorly so of her and show such despise to both her and her feelings like that was just horrible, she hadn’t done anything wrong and didn’t deserve that. So I decided we should keep this between us, not tell anyone else, not for him but for her, it would have hurted so bad. When I gat home I spent like and hour long or so writting a text to Jacobe about how horrible what he said was and talked about how much she cared about him and how ashamed I was for ever having feelings for him, and how love is an important feeling and how no one should toy with it no matter who it come from, even when it comes from a dog. Soon after I blocked him, and the next day, after our first class he came over and was said “See? I told you you are a good friend, defending her like that” He said this because a few days back we had a conversation where I talked about how I sometime doubt myself. I was still mad because she kept gushing about him and had no idea.I couldn’t keep it to myself, it bothered that much. I ended up talking with a girl in my class, I didn’t use names, I was like “I have this friend who said this thing about this other friend, what should I do?”.I later found out, like 6 months later, that the girl I talked to knew I was talking about Paula and Jacobe, I must have gave out too much info, and she talked to others about it until word gat to Paula, and Paula ended up hating me for it because I was the one who told everyone the guy she liked thougth she was pathetic. Needless to say she wasn’t happy with Jacobe either but she didn’t come to talk to me about it, instead both her and Nerea hated me in silence and kinda left me out of the group, mean while they still hanged out with Jacobe.I noticed something was wrong I could tell by their actitud with me, and I was both mad and hurt, because no matter what happened, no matter what I said, before you go around hatting me, sit and talk to me about it first. I HAD NO IDEA why they were trating me the way they were. They would even pack up their stuff and leave with out me, and even when I would catch up with them running behinde them, they would keep some distance between me and them. One day Jacobe told me that somethimes while they walk home without me Nerea and Paula talk trash about me, that they are very unhappy with me. I answered that I knew, I could tell. I felt like an outcast, they were the only friends I had and rest of the class hated me, like I could feel it, when you are forced to be in a room with people that don’t want you around day after day, YOU NOTICE. For exemple one day I asked a girl in class for a handout the teacher gave everyone a day before because I wasn’t in class. I asked her for hers so I could go make a copy of it downstairs, and she turned around, paused, looked at me with such hate as if I had asked for everything she owned, she didn’t say anything and kinda threw it at me. I went downstaires and made the copy and regreted it so much, I would have much prefer to not do the exercise or soemthing and get a 0 than to go through that.
Now I am gonna talk about Paula. There isn’t much to say than what’s already been said. She was just another friend in the group. One thing I had in common with her is that we both felt the same thing for Jacobe. Usually in these type of situations people turn against eachother, but we kinda bonded over it. We would talk about how sweet, handsome, generous, smart and down to earth he was, and sometimes we gush about his ass in those tight jeans. It went so far that there was this one time she asked me if I could send her a picture of him from his instegram, she asked me this because she didn’t have integram, no one else knew about her feelings and if she had asked anyone else they would think she was crazy. The reason she wanted it was to make a copy of it and glue it on one of her folders. I thougth it was a bit wierd and honestly I don’t remember if I helped her out with that or not. She once told me that even her little siblings knew Jacobe just from her talking about him at home. Nerea knew about our feelings for Jacobe but she didn’t like him that much, it’s wasn’t hate, but she was just not into him as much as we were, she told me it was because 2-3 years ago she had feelings for him, and when he found out about it he made fun of her feelings with some of his friends, and she haven’t felt that way about him ever since. Still me and Paula would defend him, and say stuff “Oh he has changed, it’s probably wasn’t that bad”. I also remember something else, this one time, in clase me and Paula talked about her feelings(just hers) for Jacobe on a note we passed to eachother during class. I later told her(in person) to tell him she have feelings for him, maybe he might feel the same way, she said she would love to, but was too shy and that if it’s a no she would never be able to talk to him again. So we planned that I would somehow “misplace” the note where me and Paula talk about her feelings for him and have it soemhow appear in Jacobe’s bag, which shouldn’t be that wierd because he use to sit next to me. So after recess, just before anyone else comes in, I put the note inside his bag and when he came in I acted as if I was looking for something and asked him if he had seen a note, and he of course said no because he hadn’t looked in his bag yet. Me and Paula expected him to either talk to me or her about the note the next day, but…nothing, days went by and nothing. It was almost a month later I think, and one day, during class, Jacobe was like “Oh, I have something I wanna talk to you about” and pulled out the note and was like “What’s this?” I looked at it and frozed, because I had totally forgot about it. He was like “So Paula likes me?” I just took the note and read what we wrote and laughed so much I was in tears. The reason I was laughing because we planned things out so differently from the way the turned out. I asked him why he read it, that it wasn't meant for him to read, he said, well if you find a note in your bag with you name on it, you would read it too. He didn’t feel the same way about her, he once said to me “I rather date someone like you than to be with her”, I didn’t notice it at the time, but that was an insult not just to Paula and her feelings but also to me. I was too caught up in my feelings for him and thought that was actually a compliment to me. At the time I thought he didn’t know about my feelings for him because our friendship was still steady and we hadn’t got to the part were we had that last conversation where I revealed to him how I felt about him.
After that, after we had that last conversation and I spent my christmas vacation crying, as I said earlier we somehow gat to a point where we could still talk to eachother but it was never the same. I hated him and what he made me go through, but I somehow convinced myself that that was all in the past and we should move on. Anyway Paula kept talking to me about him and her feelings for him and how he such a great guy, of course she noticed something changed between me and him but didn’t know what acutally happend. From that moment on…let’s just say I wasn’t the nicest when ever she would talk about him, and still yet she defended and supported him no matter what I say. Thing kinda changed one day during gym. I was just standing on my own and Jacobe came over and was like “Hey, has Paula ever had a boyfriend?” and I thought he might finally be interested in her, so I answered “Not since I have known her, no”. I then asked why, to know if in fact he was interested in her, His answer was “Nothing, just that I was standing over there, and when I looked over to her she waved at me with a wierd expresion on her face” he then procced to show me the expresion and added “It’s was so pathetic”. I was sooo gutted by what he said that I couldn’t physically pretend I was ok with it.I didn’t say anything and was trying to pretend but I must have done something because he noticed and said “Don’t be offended” and I said I dont’s care and left. I wanted to kep it to myself and not let anyone know, but on our way home I talked to Nerea about it and she was just as mad about it as I was, we both knew just how much she loved him, we heared her defend him countless times and for him to think poorly so of her and show such despise to both her and her feelings like that was just horrible, she hadn’t done anything wrong and didn’t deserve that. So I decided we should keep this between us, not tell anyone else, not for him but for her, it would have hurted so bad. When I gat home I spent like and hour long or so writting a text to Jacobe about how horrible what he said was and talked about how much she cared about him and how ashamed I was for ever having feelings for him, and how love is an important feeling and how no one should toy with it no matter who it come from, even when it comes from a dog. Soon after I blocked him, and the next day, after our first class he came over and was said “See? I told you you are a good friend, defending her like that” He said this because a few days back we had a conversation where I talked about how I sometime doubt myself. I was still mad because she kept gushing about him and had no idea.I couldn’t keep it to myself, it bothered that much. I ended up talking with a girl in my class, I didn’t use names, I was like “I have this friend who said this thing about this other friend, what should I do?”.I later found out, like 6 months later, that the girl I talked to knew I was talking about Paula and Jacobe, I must have gave out too much info, and she talked to others about it until word gat to Paula, and Paula ended up hating me for it because I was the one who told everyone the guy she liked thougth she was pathetic. Needless to say she wasn’t happy with Jacobe either but she didn’t come to talk to me about it, instead both her and Nerea hated me in silence and kinda left me out of the group, mean while they still hanged out with Jacobe.I noticed something was wrong I could tell by their actitud with me, and I was both mad and hurt, because no matter what happened, no matter what I said, before you go around hatting me, sit and talk to me about it first. I HAD NO IDEA why they were trating me the way they were. They would even pack up their stuff and leave with out me, and even when I would catch up with them running behinde them, they would keep some distance between me and them. One day Jacobe told me that somethimes while they walk home without me Nerea and Paula talk trash about me, that they are very unhappy with me. I answered that I knew, I could tell. I felt like an outcast, they were the only friends I had and rest of the class hated me, like I could feel it, when you are forced to be in a room with people that don’t want you around day after day, YOU NOTICE. For exemple one day I asked a girl in class for a handout the teacher gave everyone a day before because I wasn’t in class. I asked her for hers so I could go make a copy of it downstairs, and she turned around, paused, looked at me with such hate as if I had asked for everything she owned, she didn’t say anything and kinda threw it at me. I went downstaires and made the copy and regreted it so much, I would have much prefer to not do the exercise or soemthing and get a 0 than to go through that.
26-30, M