I Have An Eating Disorder

I have an eating disorder and I have been trying me best to get as much help as possible so that I can overcome this. I find that I'm often fighting with myself about weather or not I'm even worthy of recovery, I find myself thinking that maybe I'm meant to not get better, and thats why I've had trouble getting adequate help, once in a while I actually believe that I may actually deserve to get better. The city I live in has very minimal resources, especially when it comes to eating disorders. My doctor does all that she can to help, and the therapist I see only has general training and really isn't specialized in eating disorders. In order for me to get better help I'm going to have to either enter an inpatient treatment centre, or find an eating disorder specialist, both of these things will be really costly and won't be easy for me to be able to get. So until one of these things can come to life, I will continue doing what I'm doing and hope that things will start moving in a positive direction for me. I am also turning to SW to see if anyone knows of any online support groups/forums that I could join, something that is not pro eating disorders, just something where I could connect with others who have ED's in a positive space. Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks in advanced.