I Am Lonely
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I Am Sad and Lonely

i just saw a post that made me realize what I feel is happening to me.
the word that describes it is:
evanescent:
soon passing out of sight, memory or existence, quickly fading or dissapearing.
As I have dissapeared from my ex-wifes life. My daughters live too far to see very often and I live in a house pretty big house full of memories ALONE. I'd like someone to talk to. just someone who cares I'm alive. im a good listner too. those who know me would say im funny, loving, a little crazy in a good way, and a good friend. they all say i'll find someone. not this day, not tonight,.. not now.
ElPhonse
M
59 replies 70 views Oct 15, 2017
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Loretta78 · 46-50, F
I can feel with you - more than you can imagine!
I am more or less in the same situation so as you - since 17 years.
And yes: It is indeed a great bullshit when others say you'll find someone some day. MAYBE YOU will find one day someone - MAYBE. I know for sure that I never will find someone because my time is over. I am so lonely... if I would die today it would take months or longer until someone would find me.
Evanescent - this is the right word. Indeed. 😐
Just let me wish you big luck that your own life will change one day. My own won't. It's more or less over.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017 · Edited: 6 yrs ago
ElPhonse · M
the treatment i gave my wife in exchange for her love makes me similar to your husband. though not physically, i was an abuser. can you tell me anything EVIL that you did to your husband or to anyone in your life ?
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@ElPhonse To my husband I did not evil. That's for sure. And with my son I have done mistakes - certainly. I am and I never was the perfect mother. But I would not call it evil.

Don't look too much in the past. You know now that you have done mistakes. You are aware now. It's just important that you don't repeat them.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ElPhonse · M
but what concerns me is that things were done TO YOU that make those people crappy. NOT YOU ! get that OUT of your mind ! you are continuing their abuse on YOURSELF ! you MUST CUT that CANCER from your life.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ShadowSteel · M
Need to get out of the house bro. Away from the memories. Time to go somewhere new and make new ones. Don't let the devil trap you into that place and let you redefine who you are and what you are capable of. Its a big world out there and your in a tiny house on this planet.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ElPhonse · M
i USED to have such a good life,... what i have now is not a healthy existence and a dim and lonely future.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ElPhonse · M
i had thought about going to church on Sunday. disagreement with God and lack of sleep wont allow me to go today. that is really crappy of me. were you raised in germany ?
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
@ElPhonse Yes, I was raised in Germany.

But some really creepy experiences made it that I reject it to go to church.

I don't like the hypocrisy there.

My church is the nature. :-)
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ElPhonse · M
church saves no one. priests have no power to save nor do sisters or bishops or even the pope. he is only a man. i dont agree with those who worship hinm either. we are ONLY supposed to worship God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. no one else can save us nor judge us. Also I am Christian and I know I can call out to them wherever I am. a church is simply a place we sit or stand when we worship, praise or learn about Gods word. and NO ONE in a true Christian church will allow others to worship them. even the apostle Peter would not wear a fancy ring and allow you to kiss it. he who HIMSELF walked with Jesus did NOT live in a HUGE fancy palace. Religion and church save NO ONE. i have not gone in over a year because i am resisting Gods will. he obviously does not want my wife to return to me but I cant remove her from my heart, I am disobeying Him and until I can bring myself to accept His will, I cannot return to worship with other people.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
PoetryNEmotion · F
Isn't it ironic how life goes on and on when everything changes in your life? You live in a house of memories and you cannot leave it presently. It is severe. But you can get through this. You need time and strength. You have both. I know this. You are a decent man. Open the windows. Create a new life. Do what fills you with joy. Take your precious time. Keep in touch with your daughters. There are cells and Skype and you can even write letters. Let them know you still love them and are part of their lives even though far away. In time, when you aren't thinking of it, she will come to you. So be ready by working on you. Learn. Grow. Evolve. Make some friends. You can start here and there. People will listen. Because people care. Take care of you, ElPhonse.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 22, 2017
ElPhonse · M
i thought about selling it but its being forclosed on unless i can work out something with the bank, i thought of bringing ny moms and sister to live here and help me pay the mortgage too. that way it would become OUR house.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
I'd visit you if I could! I live in the Mojave Desert 60 miles east of LA. If you get out this way, we could go out for coffee...or herb tea.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ElPhonse · M
that makes two of us sweetie. its 5:33 am here in New York and i still dont want to go to sleep.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
SW-User
But you yourself said you flirted a lot...nothing left from those days? Are they that far away and long ago?
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ShadowSteel · M
You have disappeared from your ex wife's life but you are entering someone else's ;)
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ElPhonse · M
thanks lilymoon. i cant do that right now though, until i make an agreement with the bank holding the mortgage. its really complicated.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
SW-User
Holding thumbs for you.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ElPhonse · M
thanks lilly. i need alot of prayer and to stop telling God that He has to do things MY way. but i STILL cant do that,...
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
OkieGemini · 61-69, F
My friends tell me the same things. But I finally got to the point where I'm okay by myself. Good luck to you.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
Maybe you could rent out some rooms in your big house...?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
ShadowSteel · M
@greenmountaingal Maybe sell the house. Need to exit the memories and go to a better place.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
SW-User
Get some renters to help pay the bills. Good luck.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Oct 15, 2017
 
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