I Had An Affair

I had an affair a year ago. I came clean and told my husband. I left my job, broke contact with my friends (who were also friends with the OM), I handed over control of email accounts, bank accounts, closed all social media, phone never locked - transparent about everything. I never go anywhere without him knowing where I am and if he goes away on business I virtually don't leave the house so he can call the home phone and know that I am there. I am allowed no male friends ever again which I'm currently living with. I've tried everything I can to 'fix' my husband's pain and hate myself for what I've put him through. We're finally coming out on the other side and becoming 'normal' again and for the first time I'm allowing myself to worry about how I feel....and I'm so lost. I do love him but I'm not happy. I think about the other guy and wonder if I made a mistake. Nothing in life makes me happy. I feel like I'm just existing.