I Like Being Alone But Hate Being Lonely

I used to have many friends in school and uni. Life changed and with that I moved on. I lost in touch with a few and then many. Some, due to personal reasons, and others just because I felt I didn't need them anymore. Some tried to stay in touch with me, but I didn't reciprocate the same as I was dealing with my own sh*t. Now when things are going awfully bad for me, I hardly have friends who don't even stay here when giving me support I need the most. And then I see them online commenting and posting their own happiness and it makes me feel jealous. Sigh. Maybe this feeling of emptiness is only temporary, then again, I hate it. Why can't I just be happy! Is that too much to ask for?