I Got Really Pissed Off

I just had a huge blow up with my mother. I do have a hostory of mental health issues, and that does play in here. I have been dealing with some BS related to my futurue for about a year now. The past few days I admit, I let it get to me. My poor friends know this. After talking to some of them I called my mom, wanting to share what I'm learning about plan B for my life. We

We start a conversation, then I get upset and am crying, trying to focus on my breathing.

She continues to play devil's advocate.

I let her know that is not helpful for me right now.

She claims I am being defensive and she is helping me see reality (essentially)

Something upsets me again, and I ask her to please, just listen. Just let me say whatever I am feeling.

Her comment is that is not really helpful to me, because I can't let myself get to this point all the time.

And how it's not fair to her for me to tell her she needs to stop talking. . (I ask politely)

And if she can't talk, than neither should I be able to. We did not finish the conversation. She had things to talk with me about. But she realized it was not the time.
(Yes, my mental illnesses came up.... yes I am being treated...)

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Picklebobble · 56-60, M

So the unresolved issue re: the future is the villain of the peace !
Is the issue yours to decide or is it in the hands of others ?
Why does the future hold so much worry ?
Are you able to talk to a therapist/treating physician all that is on your mind ?

Eeyore122 · 36-40, F

I haven't seen my therapist for awhile. The issue is a combination of mine and others. I guess I just have to take one step at a time and keep advocating.She helped me sort my thoughts now.

Eeyore122 · 36-40, F

I think instead of it being deliberate, it is really the powers that be not knowing what the heck to do with my situation. I emailed off 2nd requests for answers to some questions. (Not necessarily expecting answers!!) If this process ends up taking long enough that I am unable to take a class this next semester...that's them breaking a documented promise.

Picklebobble · 56-60, M

@Eeyore122: So. Others need to make decisions before you can plan your life.
I wonder if it's worth just planning your life anyway !
Let them know.
"Here's what I want !
This is what I intend to do to get it !"
See how they respond to that.
After all. That's you taking control of your life !

Eeyore122 · 36-40, F

ahahahahahaha no. This is Here is what we say you will do in order to be able to student teach next fall or Spring. ( But we don't have the whole process in writing for you, until you try to start it.) I had some bad situations consecutively in practicuums. Now I am trying to get into a class they say I have to take, on time. Fun, fun. Why do you find this interesting, by the way

Picklebobble · 56-60, M

@Eeyore122: Sorry! Wasn't deliberately being intrusive.
It's just that your post was a little cryptic.
I wondered if you were in hospital or maybe even in the services somewhere which is why you weren't giving much away in terms of info.

Eeyore122 · 36-40, F

[b] No worries, I just didn't expect people to be interested in the underlying issue of the argument. And it is beaurocratic BS- could be deliberate, could be no deliberate. I was getting really sick of it after a year ish of BS. I do at least have a job due to some of the BS. [/b]