I'm An Open Book If You Care To Read Me
I haven’t really been using this site anymore, but I couldn’t really think of where else to put this....so, here we are.
I went to the fertility specialist today. I was incredibly excited and very nervous at the same time. I didn’t realize how worried I was until I was walking out of the doors and had to fight the tears of relief threatening to fall.
I’ve been taking medicine to make me release eggs. Today’s ultrasound showed that I have 2 ready and waiting! The one is large enough, the second needs to get a little bigger. So she scheduled my IUI for Thursday at which point both eggs should be at the preferred size. Wednesday night I’ll have to give myself the shot to make me ovulate. I have no idea if I’ll be able to give myself a shot, lol, but I’m going to do my best. My honey may have to do it :P We’ll see!
I’m so relieved that there are 2 eggs and everything is going according to plan so far. I hope we’ll be lucky and both eggs will make it. I’d love to have twins at this point! Of course, I’d be ecstatic with just one...I’m optimistic that this is our month. I’ve heard of lots of women who had to try multiple IUI’s though, so time will tell. I just REALLY hope this works!
This evening as I washed my hands in the bathroom I looked at my reflection in the mirror and couldn’t help wondering if I might finally be a mother soon. I admit, I stood there with my hands on my belly and talked to my eggs for a minute, willing them to both get fertilized and come join me in this world :P Some people might roll their eyes and think I’m crazy, but I don’t really care.
As I stood there, I began thinking of my own mother...the things she taught me and the things I’ll be able to teach my children. The things I could teach children if I ever had any.
It was kind of strange...reflecting back on my mother’s teachings. What life lessons had she taught me? She’d failed to teach me anything of use to me about how men think or work, about my own mental health, how the world really works....I keep trying to think of what lessons she taught me aside from materialistic nonsense. I mean, she taught me a lot about cooking, gardening, chores, and tasks like that....but actual life lessons? It’s hard for me to explain the things my mother did teach me, because it’s as if she lived in a cacoon separated from the real world. In a way, I think she was a lot like Scarlett O’hara...that’s hard for me to put into words at the moment as well. The only thing, somewhat useful but quite stupid, she ever taught me was how to be pretty and appealing to a guy through subtlety. I was a pretty major plain Jane for most of my life, so I’m sure you can imagine how frustrating her lessons were for me :P She didn’t even teach me how to properly do my make-up or anything like that. But still, she was like Scarlett....She just didn’t really have much experience to teach her certain things. For instance, my mom was a beautiful young girl who was wanted by every boy in the area. By the time she was old enough, she’d began showing interest in some guy named Johnny who played guitar. However, around that same time my dad came along and asked my mom’s father for her hand in marriage. At 17 she was swept away and married to my father for 51 years before she died. He was all she knew...and she’d always pined away over the idea of that Johnny who played guitar. If she’d dated more, had more time to learn about different relationships and who she truly was with each person, she would have realized that she’d married a man who treated her like the golden sun...spoiled her like a cherished love...and gave her a life full of everything she ever asked for. What more can a woman hope for? But she didn’t know any better. She had no other personal experience to compare to.
I began thinking about my own experiences...the ones I learned hardest on my own...the ones she shouldn’t prepared me for....I guess she did her best in her own way. I mean, she was born in 1944, was 41 when she finally had me...there was quite a generation gap of understanding there about how the world worked lol. So I can’t judge her too hard...but I realized, I will be such a great teacher, if I can just ever have a child.
I can prepare them to learn who they really are, how to protect their self from comparing their relationships with others because all relationships have different dynamics and expectations....how to protect their heart from their own harsh mind...the importance of perspective and how much it influences the quality of your life....just so many things. I’d planned on really detailing all of this more, but I’m incredibly sleepy and need to get to bed. I just know....I have so much to offer. I really hope this month will be our lucky month and that we’ll have a healthy pregnancy and delivery! Please let this be the month we get pregnant...
I went to the fertility specialist today. I was incredibly excited and very nervous at the same time. I didn’t realize how worried I was until I was walking out of the doors and had to fight the tears of relief threatening to fall.
I’ve been taking medicine to make me release eggs. Today’s ultrasound showed that I have 2 ready and waiting! The one is large enough, the second needs to get a little bigger. So she scheduled my IUI for Thursday at which point both eggs should be at the preferred size. Wednesday night I’ll have to give myself the shot to make me ovulate. I have no idea if I’ll be able to give myself a shot, lol, but I’m going to do my best. My honey may have to do it :P We’ll see!
I’m so relieved that there are 2 eggs and everything is going according to plan so far. I hope we’ll be lucky and both eggs will make it. I’d love to have twins at this point! Of course, I’d be ecstatic with just one...I’m optimistic that this is our month. I’ve heard of lots of women who had to try multiple IUI’s though, so time will tell. I just REALLY hope this works!
This evening as I washed my hands in the bathroom I looked at my reflection in the mirror and couldn’t help wondering if I might finally be a mother soon. I admit, I stood there with my hands on my belly and talked to my eggs for a minute, willing them to both get fertilized and come join me in this world :P Some people might roll their eyes and think I’m crazy, but I don’t really care.
As I stood there, I began thinking of my own mother...the things she taught me and the things I’ll be able to teach my children. The things I could teach children if I ever had any.
It was kind of strange...reflecting back on my mother’s teachings. What life lessons had she taught me? She’d failed to teach me anything of use to me about how men think or work, about my own mental health, how the world really works....I keep trying to think of what lessons she taught me aside from materialistic nonsense. I mean, she taught me a lot about cooking, gardening, chores, and tasks like that....but actual life lessons? It’s hard for me to explain the things my mother did teach me, because it’s as if she lived in a cacoon separated from the real world. In a way, I think she was a lot like Scarlett O’hara...that’s hard for me to put into words at the moment as well. The only thing, somewhat useful but quite stupid, she ever taught me was how to be pretty and appealing to a guy through subtlety. I was a pretty major plain Jane for most of my life, so I’m sure you can imagine how frustrating her lessons were for me :P She didn’t even teach me how to properly do my make-up or anything like that. But still, she was like Scarlett....She just didn’t really have much experience to teach her certain things. For instance, my mom was a beautiful young girl who was wanted by every boy in the area. By the time she was old enough, she’d began showing interest in some guy named Johnny who played guitar. However, around that same time my dad came along and asked my mom’s father for her hand in marriage. At 17 she was swept away and married to my father for 51 years before she died. He was all she knew...and she’d always pined away over the idea of that Johnny who played guitar. If she’d dated more, had more time to learn about different relationships and who she truly was with each person, she would have realized that she’d married a man who treated her like the golden sun...spoiled her like a cherished love...and gave her a life full of everything she ever asked for. What more can a woman hope for? But she didn’t know any better. She had no other personal experience to compare to.
I began thinking about my own experiences...the ones I learned hardest on my own...the ones she shouldn’t prepared me for....I guess she did her best in her own way. I mean, she was born in 1944, was 41 when she finally had me...there was quite a generation gap of understanding there about how the world worked lol. So I can’t judge her too hard...but I realized, I will be such a great teacher, if I can just ever have a child.
I can prepare them to learn who they really are, how to protect their self from comparing their relationships with others because all relationships have different dynamics and expectations....how to protect their heart from their own harsh mind...the importance of perspective and how much it influences the quality of your life....just so many things. I’d planned on really detailing all of this more, but I’m incredibly sleepy and need to get to bed. I just know....I have so much to offer. I really hope this month will be our lucky month and that we’ll have a healthy pregnancy and delivery! Please let this be the month we get pregnant...
