I'm An Open Book If You Care To Read Me

Well, I wrote earlier today about how Hope is nothing but a flame that will eventually burn your entire heart out...I focused mostly on my job and relationships. Then, earlier I found out a co-worker is pregnant. I held it together until she left a few minutes later, then I cried and cried like an idiot. I couldn’t help it. I hope no one tells her because I truly am happy for her. However, it got me to thinking about this eternal hope bs...and I’ve decided I’m done hoping this month will be the month I get pregnant. And the month after and the month after. It’s been over a year and half...it’s been 9 years since I first started trying to get pregnant if anyone wants to know the reality of the situation. It’s the reason I’m divorced, because my ex lied to me and refused to get me pregnant once we got married. But anyway. Not the point. I’m done hoping. I’m calling the fertility specialist in the morning.