I Self-harm

I bought the blade this Sunday, haven't cut myself just yet, but the urge is just so sweet.
I haven't done that in over an year but can still imagine the blade running over my soft flesh and the sting that I feel with that....
After that the blood starts rushing out and I can't feel the pain. Pleasure is immeasurable.
I would dump the blood into the toilet and then I feel the pain but its not a bad pain. Its a great pain. I would do it right now but I can't risk that. Its summer and I can't cut.
But I would do other things, I would mock myself, I would humiliate myself so much that I would cry at the end. But its not a bad thing.


I just like it. I do so much. I am not sick. I just like the kick.