I Am Depressed

Another day in my life where I'm sitting alone filled with melancholy and self hate. I talked to my mom and made her cry which make me feel like an even more terrible person (she had no reason, I literally told her I didn't know what dates I would be free in the summer yet). I started talking with someone which brings me joy, but it's short lasting because I still end up hating myself and being sad when I'm alone (she keeps me distracted which is nice). But it also brings paranoia because I like her, but I always fear people don't like n back because that's how it typically is, I'm just annoying in all honesty, I can't take things seriously because the only emotion I can show is fake happiness. I put on this curtain in order to stop the world from seeing my true internal pain and despair

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LadyGrace

Please don't beat yourself up. You honestly don't have to be a certain way. Just love yourself enough to allow yourself to be genuinely you. You don't have to try. Just do what makes you comfortable and happy. When you're happy, others will see that and be happy [b]for[/b] you. If they cannot accept you for who you are, you don't need them. It's not about finding yourself. There's no mistakes in being who you want to be. Sure, you'll [b]make[/b] mistakes, but who you are is no mistake. You'll learn and grow along the way. That's the way we learn, from our mistakes. That doesn't mean you're a failure. It just means there's a better way to do things. You can create the life you want to live. If you can dream it, you can do it. Just stay positive.

17smitha · 22-25, M

@GraceFromEP: I don't know what makes me happy. And it's hard love yourself when all you know is self hate

LadyGrace

@17smitha: I can sure understand that. Don't feel out of place. I think we've all been there. Perhaps some of my writings will help. Seek and you shall find, says God. He was right. I did just that, but that's up to you.

17smitha · 22-25, M

@GraceFromEP: I've seeked but have been unsuccessful so far, I pray nightly, go to church when I can, do everything I can by the books but still can't find happiness! All I find in the end of each day is dispair and hate

LadyGrace

I did all that, too, and nothing happened until I made a 100% commitment, then things changed. God wants all your heart, not just part. @17smitha: