this isn't how I woke up [I Am Depressed]

when you are living life during the day, and you choose not to obliterate yourself that night,

you tell yourself I will drink water and become healthy and fully awake by morning to have a good next day,

but you get home....and you see all of your unfinished business staring at you...and you reach for that bottle, or that smoke...

and tell yourself, tomorrow I will fix this,

its a lie.

I am at the point of giving up...truly. but everyday I wake up and keep good thoughts in my mind. Any bad thought I banish after a minute or so.

and Im here.

but it feels like crawling through thick tar...not knowing if there is something ahead to hold on to.

I am staying afloat....and that is literally all I can say.

for right now, no, I am not ok. But yes I am here.