I Am Depressed

At that point today where I push everyone away because I am more scared of being hurt than I am of being alone forever. Because connecting to people will show them how much of a mess I am, and I would rather suffer 1000 deaths over having people see how sad and broken I am. I'd rather live a lonely lie than have the spotlight reveal the truth that I am a soulless, emotionally stunted, husk of a human being, clinging onto life by a bottle and a smoke to ward away the ever growing foul beast that is my insecurities and fears. Because if you are weak for a second, they will eat you alive. Use you, hurt you, and throw you away like the garbage you are. So close the gates. Hide away. And pray alone in that dark that the storm goes away. Before it tears you apart.