I Want to Pull Myself Back Together
Journal entry 17- A Lesson in Failure
You were the first one who truly taught me about chess.
It wasn't really a battle of wits because I had none about me. I saw different things while playing the game. I always have.
You beat me multiple times. The funnest thing about beginning chess as a first time experience is that you believe you're getting better rapidly. So you're willing to play another match and another and another. Thinking you've realized something new with each move made on the board.
You want to try again because you believe you're catching up to the one you're facing.
I could tell when you let me win. It made me feel good but only temporarily. Simply because I had finally beaten you.
Then you shared a secret with me. That sometimes you have to let others win sometimes. That people wont return to things where they only experience frustrations and pains of losing. And that the one who is always a victor can end up all alone.
Your lessons were probably too in depth for a child. The moment was pivotal enough to remember. But not enough to be applied until far later in life.
Why am I just now remembering your words in my life? That not every argument is a battle that I need to be the victor over? Not every loss is full of pain. I wish I was wiser. I wish I was able to learn more from you.
Our relationship may have not been the closest. And the hands we are dealt can keep us from experiencing things when we are finally ready. I miss you grandpa, rest easy.
You were the first one who truly taught me about chess.
It wasn't really a battle of wits because I had none about me. I saw different things while playing the game. I always have.
You beat me multiple times. The funnest thing about beginning chess as a first time experience is that you believe you're getting better rapidly. So you're willing to play another match and another and another. Thinking you've realized something new with each move made on the board.
You want to try again because you believe you're catching up to the one you're facing.
I could tell when you let me win. It made me feel good but only temporarily. Simply because I had finally beaten you.
Then you shared a secret with me. That sometimes you have to let others win sometimes. That people wont return to things where they only experience frustrations and pains of losing. And that the one who is always a victor can end up all alone.
Your lessons were probably too in depth for a child. The moment was pivotal enough to remember. But not enough to be applied until far later in life.
Why am I just now remembering your words in my life? That not every argument is a battle that I need to be the victor over? Not every loss is full of pain. I wish I was wiser. I wish I was able to learn more from you.
Our relationship may have not been the closest. And the hands we are dealt can keep us from experiencing things when we are finally ready. I miss you grandpa, rest easy.
