I've read a number of different posts re. widowhood, where others are really struggling and are quick to point out they simply cannot comprehend how others "move on" from the loss. I never like to use the phrase "move on," because I don't think I will "move on." EVER. But I will move forward and continue to grow and develop as a person. My loss strengthens me; it doesn't cripple me.
Anyway, my topic is on dating. If you love your spouse how can you ever entertain the idea of dating? There's a range of widows who have decided they'll never seek the companionship of another again. Several widows are quick to condemn those who are beginning to date. In my opinion, I cannot fathom why someone would want to perpetuate their bitterness on someone else. One opens up to commitment for the right reasons.
I tried dating once, after much persuading from friends. It was a lunch date. Me being always funny and playful, I didn't really consider it as something romantic. I was in a weird state where I was just finding my stride. I didn't feel comfortable that I kept reassuring myself that the experience didn't lessen my relationship I had with my husband. While the poor guy was so befuddled with my widowhood that it was the only thing we talked about on the date, I was so full of guilt that I only wanted to pray the rosary with him right there and then!
I wasn't ready for a relationship; dating isn't for me. There is no other R and no none will replace him. And I feel that those who are judgmental about dating, tend to believe that's what others are doing: looking for a replacement. Do I think R reigns supreme to any man, yes of course. He's my only love and I still love him. But he's not coming back. And I need to press forward and do what feels right to me. I love the woman who I have become, and I like sharing my time with people I love and with special souls I come across with and touch my soul as well. I don't think it is something to be ridiculed for. It took me a long time to get here.
I lost my husband several years ago and would NEVER presume to tell another widow how to deal with the subject of dating and finding love again. It is an incredibly intimate decision making process that no one should intrude upon unless they are specifically asked for their opinion.
It surely must be a very individual thing .. and I can understand both decisions to eventually date again and to not do that. Its sad anyone else feels compelled to judge you or others.. let alone shame someone .. for their choice.
