I Am Stronger Because of All I've Been Through
Embrace Your Emotional Baggage . . .
"Reality and the Personal Classifieds meet for a date they’ll never forget ! "
Occasionally, a few of my girl friends and myself get together over a glass of wine, and read the classified ads, particularly the personal ads. We are all divorced. Oh I forgot to mention, my daughter also joins us, though she is still single. But there we are, drowning our sorrows, and downing several glasses of wine while we join the thousands of men and women who are looking for that perfect mate, friend, or lover.
Many of the ads are quite serious, and some are quite funny, while others completely unrealistic and outrageous. Below is an example of a typical ad placed in the personal want-ads, with my own personal embellishments added of course.
----------------------------- ------------------------------
SWF - (Single white female) Age 50, 5’-4”, red hair, lots to love (a little over weight) ..
Are you my knight in shining armor? . . do you like romantic dinners, dancing, and like to take long walks along the beach?
If so, the man I am looking for a man will be honest, sincere, caring, loving, considerate, polite, sexy, courteous, romantic, kind, appreciative, sensitive, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, clever, intelligent, discerning, wise, friendly, responsive, all knowing, left, right, oblique, up, down, forward, reverse, and overdrive.
In addition, I am looking to find my perfect soul mate, someone to share my dreams, my goals, my ambitions . . . let's get together and see if the sparks fly, and if the chemistry is right, who knows where it might take us . . .
Note" Serious inquiries only, and please, "no emotional baggage . ."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Now, I don't mean to mock or poke fun at ads like this. Well yes, I guess I just did.
But, as if this ad wasn't bad enough, the poor prospective candidate, having already realized that he has no chance of meeting the rigorous criteria of said ad, and was hoping to even score 50% of the requirements while hoping for a little wiggle room thrown in for interpretation and explanation, would realize he would never have a chance at all, spelling complete and utter defeat with the words, "but please, no emotional baggage . ."
Just when the poor man was imagining himself walking along the beach holding hands with the 5’-4” red head with lots to love, a giant tsunami of emotional baggage sweeps him inland several miles, dashing his dreams of romance and fulfillment.
But to be fair, can you blame the poor woman for setting the bar so high? I have been divorced nearly ten years, and I have spent quite a lot of time thinking about whether I should get serious about getting into another relationship again. And, I have my own emotional baggage, lots of it! In fact, I've been seeing a shrink for the last eight years, spending hours in counseling trying to untangle the mess I have made of my life. And of course, it begs the question what am I going to do differently to avoid what happened in my first marriage.
After all, marriage is still batting at a around a 50% success rate, re-marriages about 33%, and third marriages and so on it's gets worse.
I pondered this one day. I was at an airport and having just flown in, was leaving the gate and headed for the what else, "Baggage Claim Area." Passengers milled around and then a great rumble and then the conveyor began to move. The door at the left began spitting out bags of all shapes and sizes and colors. Passengers watched anxiously for their bags and began pulling them off the conveyor and then speeding off, or loading them onto carts.
I usually wait at the opposite side at the end of the conveyor finding it easier to spot my bag once most of the bags had been retrieved by their owners. And then there, I spot my suitcase, black with red ribbing and a bright green bow tied to the handle, that has somehow managed to survive several dozen flights. So there I was with my very own bag, with green bow, and all my special stuff inside such as clothes, camera, and gifts.
Yes, having your own special suitcase means it contains all your own stuff, and metaphorically speaking, we all have our own personal emotional baggage, that we carry around from airport to airport, and destination to destination. We carry it with us where ever we go, it's always with us, even though we think we would like to leave it some where else, or dump it on the side of the road when no one is looking, or think that moving to a new town will make it magically disappear as we are transformed into a new and different person, a super human unfettered by the cares and trauma of life!
Alas, that does not happen. Ever ! Now one must be very careful when handling your emotional baggage. Like problems, they are unique and special only to you. They cannot be traded with someone else. No, they are yours and yours only. Try as you may to ignore them, you must own up to them and address them properly.
But to the point, anyone who lives on this earth has baggage. It is impossible to live without suffering the pain of life. Period. Luis Tiant was a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox. He said, "You must go through life with two pockets, one to carry the wins, and the other the losses. But you can't have just one pocket, you must have two pockets . . .”
I've always liked that saying. Great harm comes to those who do not take both wins and losses in stride, and face the fears, problems, and anxieties of life. "You must go through life with two pockets . ..”
So, I say we must hug our baggage. Yes, we must embrace it and own it for what it is, that is our own unique collection of wins and losses. And we should not be ashamed of the scars and hurts that have wounded us along the way.
kindly,
Monique
"Reality and the Personal Classifieds meet for a date they’ll never forget ! "
Occasionally, a few of my girl friends and myself get together over a glass of wine, and read the classified ads, particularly the personal ads. We are all divorced. Oh I forgot to mention, my daughter also joins us, though she is still single. But there we are, drowning our sorrows, and downing several glasses of wine while we join the thousands of men and women who are looking for that perfect mate, friend, or lover.
Many of the ads are quite serious, and some are quite funny, while others completely unrealistic and outrageous. Below is an example of a typical ad placed in the personal want-ads, with my own personal embellishments added of course.
----------------------------- ------------------------------
SWF - (Single white female) Age 50, 5’-4”, red hair, lots to love (a little over weight) ..
Are you my knight in shining armor? . . do you like romantic dinners, dancing, and like to take long walks along the beach?
If so, the man I am looking for a man will be honest, sincere, caring, loving, considerate, polite, sexy, courteous, romantic, kind, appreciative, sensitive, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, clever, intelligent, discerning, wise, friendly, responsive, all knowing, left, right, oblique, up, down, forward, reverse, and overdrive.
In addition, I am looking to find my perfect soul mate, someone to share my dreams, my goals, my ambitions . . . let's get together and see if the sparks fly, and if the chemistry is right, who knows where it might take us . . .
Note" Serious inquiries only, and please, "no emotional baggage . ."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Now, I don't mean to mock or poke fun at ads like this. Well yes, I guess I just did.
But, as if this ad wasn't bad enough, the poor prospective candidate, having already realized that he has no chance of meeting the rigorous criteria of said ad, and was hoping to even score 50% of the requirements while hoping for a little wiggle room thrown in for interpretation and explanation, would realize he would never have a chance at all, spelling complete and utter defeat with the words, "but please, no emotional baggage . ."
Just when the poor man was imagining himself walking along the beach holding hands with the 5’-4” red head with lots to love, a giant tsunami of emotional baggage sweeps him inland several miles, dashing his dreams of romance and fulfillment.
But to be fair, can you blame the poor woman for setting the bar so high? I have been divorced nearly ten years, and I have spent quite a lot of time thinking about whether I should get serious about getting into another relationship again. And, I have my own emotional baggage, lots of it! In fact, I've been seeing a shrink for the last eight years, spending hours in counseling trying to untangle the mess I have made of my life. And of course, it begs the question what am I going to do differently to avoid what happened in my first marriage.
After all, marriage is still batting at a around a 50% success rate, re-marriages about 33%, and third marriages and so on it's gets worse.
I pondered this one day. I was at an airport and having just flown in, was leaving the gate and headed for the what else, "Baggage Claim Area." Passengers milled around and then a great rumble and then the conveyor began to move. The door at the left began spitting out bags of all shapes and sizes and colors. Passengers watched anxiously for their bags and began pulling them off the conveyor and then speeding off, or loading them onto carts.
I usually wait at the opposite side at the end of the conveyor finding it easier to spot my bag once most of the bags had been retrieved by their owners. And then there, I spot my suitcase, black with red ribbing and a bright green bow tied to the handle, that has somehow managed to survive several dozen flights. So there I was with my very own bag, with green bow, and all my special stuff inside such as clothes, camera, and gifts.
Yes, having your own special suitcase means it contains all your own stuff, and metaphorically speaking, we all have our own personal emotional baggage, that we carry around from airport to airport, and destination to destination. We carry it with us where ever we go, it's always with us, even though we think we would like to leave it some where else, or dump it on the side of the road when no one is looking, or think that moving to a new town will make it magically disappear as we are transformed into a new and different person, a super human unfettered by the cares and trauma of life!
Alas, that does not happen. Ever ! Now one must be very careful when handling your emotional baggage. Like problems, they are unique and special only to you. They cannot be traded with someone else. No, they are yours and yours only. Try as you may to ignore them, you must own up to them and address them properly.
But to the point, anyone who lives on this earth has baggage. It is impossible to live without suffering the pain of life. Period. Luis Tiant was a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox. He said, "You must go through life with two pockets, one to carry the wins, and the other the losses. But you can't have just one pocket, you must have two pockets . . .”
I've always liked that saying. Great harm comes to those who do not take both wins and losses in stride, and face the fears, problems, and anxieties of life. "You must go through life with two pockets . ..”
So, I say we must hug our baggage. Yes, we must embrace it and own it for what it is, that is our own unique collection of wins and losses. And we should not be ashamed of the scars and hurts that have wounded us along the way.
kindly,
Monique
51-55, F
