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I Am Stronger Because of All I've Been Through

I've been through a lot. I'm a strong believer in age does not equate to maturity. Some days I act like an 80 year old. Others I act closer to 10.
When I was a teenager dealing with undiagnosed PTSD I used to wish I'd never gone through the event that caused it.
I was miserable, waking up every night with nightmares, sometimes five or six times a night. I'd make myself talk to people all night long to avoid falling asleep. My aim was to get four hours of sleep or less, because then I'd be too exhausted to remember any nightmares I had during the night.
One night I was so distraught I cried for hours, mad at the world and mad at myself for not "just getting over it" like my parents told me to do.
But now I realize if I hadn't gone through that, I wouldn't have been any good at helping my sister get through her PTSD. We wouldn't have had as much in common to get to know each other with.
If I hadn't have gone through that, I probably would've been as immature and petty as the rest of the girls in my graduating class.
There was one time when my seizures were really bad. I was about 8. I had to stay home that day because I'd had seizures. I remember I went to my room and laid down. My mom came in and sat down on the edge of my bed. I don't remember why. But I remember one thought kept running through my head. And so I voiced it and I asked, "why me, mom?"
She replied, "why what?"
"Why do I have seizures? No one else in my grade does. Why me? It's not fair."
And my mom started crying. "I don't know, baby. I don't know." She hugged me and we both cried.
I thought it was so unfair at the time. I hate it. I hated everything my epilepsy had taken from me, normalcy, freedom, spending time with friends, perfect school attendance. Everything.
I realize now that without my seizures, I never would have learned to laugh at myself. I never would've been able to handle abuse or getting PTSD. I would've crumbed under the weight of life.
english56-60, M
you just made me cry Nuff said 馃槙
@english I'm sorry:/
english56-60, M
@boklenholley7 It was a good cry ....cheers for sharing .馃槉

 
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