I'm Afraid It's Too Late For Me
We steamroll along towards Christmas. For me, this Christmas is somewhat bitter sweet.
On the sweet side, it's my Grandson's first Christmas. To tell the truth, it seems like he could care less. When his parents brought our Christmas tree home, he hardly took notice. And, why should he ? After all, how would he know trees don't really belong inside your livingroom. Xavier is happy just to be looked at and talked to. He doesn't even care what you say. Just look him in the eye, smile, and say anything. He'll smile and laugh and be content. Everyone else however..., Well they're all kinds of excited for him.
On the bitter side... Well the thoughts of my son Joe are never-ending. Some bring a small smile at times. All of them followed by the pain of knowing he's gone and that he won't ever share amything with the rest of us again. I do the best I can to deal with the here and now. The past is always right there though. Like a spectre or phantom. Haunting me.
As many things as I can find to distract me, as soon as those distractions quiet themselves, I return to all the ghosts of my past. Or do they return to me ? I'm never really sure.
My dreams are dark almost every night, and I hardly ever sleep in a normal time frame. A couple of hours at a time, at best. Mostly waking up abruptly, irrate, panicked, and covered in sweat. Obviously my subconscious hasn't been very kind to my conscious self lately.
I miss Joe an awful lot. Christmas isn't the same knowing he's gone from us forever.
Make sure to tell the people you love that you love them. Especially during times when things aren't all that great between you.
Some day it might be too late for you. Just as it is for me now.
Too Late....
On the sweet side, it's my Grandson's first Christmas. To tell the truth, it seems like he could care less. When his parents brought our Christmas tree home, he hardly took notice. And, why should he ? After all, how would he know trees don't really belong inside your livingroom. Xavier is happy just to be looked at and talked to. He doesn't even care what you say. Just look him in the eye, smile, and say anything. He'll smile and laugh and be content. Everyone else however..., Well they're all kinds of excited for him.
On the bitter side... Well the thoughts of my son Joe are never-ending. Some bring a small smile at times. All of them followed by the pain of knowing he's gone and that he won't ever share amything with the rest of us again. I do the best I can to deal with the here and now. The past is always right there though. Like a spectre or phantom. Haunting me.
As many things as I can find to distract me, as soon as those distractions quiet themselves, I return to all the ghosts of my past. Or do they return to me ? I'm never really sure.
My dreams are dark almost every night, and I hardly ever sleep in a normal time frame. A couple of hours at a time, at best. Mostly waking up abruptly, irrate, panicked, and covered in sweat. Obviously my subconscious hasn't been very kind to my conscious self lately.
I miss Joe an awful lot. Christmas isn't the same knowing he's gone from us forever.
Make sure to tell the people you love that you love them. Especially during times when things aren't all that great between you.
Some day it might be too late for you. Just as it is for me now.
Too Late....