I Am Always Improving Myself

Have you ever played a video game where you get to choose the viewpoint in which you play? This is most common in car racing games, You can either see the car that you are driving as it makes its way around the track, or you can change the viewpoint on the screen to reflect what you would be seeing if you were actually in the car itself. In the latter of the two, you are no longer able to see the car, all you can see is what the driver would be seeing through the windshield. This second view is how I see the world, as if I don’t even exist. I don’t have needs to be met, I don’t require any special accommodations, I don’t even have a face. I wander through life as a faceless creature, attending to the needs and special requirements of others. The only means I have to discern my own existence, is to see the effect I have on others. For instance, if people around me are praising my actions, as a result, I have a positive sense of self worth. Consequently, if others are blaming me for things gone wrong, this gives me a negative sense of self worth. I don’t like this aspect of myself but how can I learn to meet my own needs, if I can’t even see that I have needs… and how can I validate my own self worth, if I don’t exist.