I Met Someone Online Who Is Important to Me
This is my first story on here. This is the story that brought me here. I apologize if it's scattered. I've tried to forget about this, but it's imploding within me.
So, I have never been in love offline. I was practically raised on the internet since early youth. I met multiple people online through the years. All interesting, all different, all evil and lovable in their own way. I finally went on this site called IMVU about 5 years ago. I had no intention of really meeting anyone as astounding at this person, but I did. I don't want to say his name but it's beating in my mind as I type this.
I had just left the hospital when my friend, my only friend at the time, introduced me to the site. I loved it. I would get on, troll people and be weird and crazy. I'd laugh so much. I met new people online who became my friends. After school, I'd rush home just to get online and talk to them. I felt like they really mattered and cared about me. I felt loved even. It was a great feeling to have people from all over the world connect with you and share with you about their day and their feelings. It was my own little haven.
Then, about a month in, I had this online fling. This guy was my first friend and the first mutual relationship I've had. It was fresh and fun. He was a transgender who was Cuban and lived in Florida. I didn't really feel any different, though it opened me up to a new definition of love, I guess. I felt something strong for him. Yet, that wasn't love, was it? I can't really say. This story isn't about him. We broke up 3 months later. I was alone romantically, but still had my friends. Just the thought of them makes me tear up slightly. It was difficult to get over, but I did.
And then, that's when I met this guy. We met through a mutual friend. I stalked her and went to the room she was in. We chatted and he came into the room. I didn't think much of him. I figured he was just some person, not the love of my life. Ha. We all chatted together about random things I can't remember. Our friend had to go, so she left and went offline. It was just me and him. We were having a good conversation, so we continued to talk. We talked about movies, actors and actresses. We talked about religion and how we are losing our faith and heading towards a philosophical ideal. We talked about school and the nuisances we experience there.We talked about funny things, how maybe we all can relate to the devil. He then sent me some lyrics to a band called A Lot Like Birds, a band I really liked at the time. This band isn't really popular, so I was surprised when I followed the link. I remember asking him, "You listen to A Lot Like Birds?" and when he confirmed it, we both were so shocked and excited. I felt so happy and ecstatic for some reason. I remember literally tearing up. He was excited too. We typed in all caps, haha. I had actually been on another chat while talking to him, but my focus flew to our conversation gradually as we realized we had a lot in common. Seriously, it was like talking to a twin. I joked many times that he was stalking me and setting me up.
For the rest of that night, we talked more and more. Eventually, it was almost 3am (yet later for him, since he lives in Australia.) and I had to go. I left at some point. Before I tried to sleep, I went on Skype to hopefully find his username using the username on IMVU. I found it and messaged him immediately.
Fast forward about 5 years now. The last time I spoke to him was Christmas 2016 on Kik. It ended with a message from me saying, "I hate you and you can die. Never talk to me ever again in this life." And I guess my wish was granted. He's gone.
It's so much. I don't even know how to write it all. Later that year, five years ago, we starting liking each other and acted on those feelings unofficially. Things fell off, of course. They always do. But, the reason why I still care for him and even feel so intensely for is because after that fallout, he came back. All those friends I met left me. I can explain all that later. But, this guy came back. He reached out about a year and half ago and we started talking again. Things were fine but we developed feelings again for one another. We were both starting college and both dealing with our own problems. I don't know. It just didn't work out. He stopped messaging me. He disappeared. It hurt me so much. I couldn't stop thinking about all the others who left me. I just couldn't believe it was happening again, so I sent that to him. I don't even regret it either, which sounds terrible. But I kept holding that in. I told him that I understood that he was busy or needed time alone. I should have confessed how much his absence hurt me. But instead, I suddenly erupted. I can't even understand it.
In February of this year, I sent him a message, telling him to simply be safe. He read it. And that was the end of it.
I'll admit I still stalk his profile on IMVU. It's strange how seeing his status change excites me. It's stranger to think that he may still think of me. My heart and mind says that he doesn't hate me. I think I scared him, but I don't think he hates me. We're friends after all, but he may have forgotten about me like I've been trying to forget about him. But he's still haunting me. I have an intense depression, which forced me to write about this. To get this shit off my chest. I'm sorry for hurting you. We hurt each other though.
As I said to him during the peak of our correspondence; Our bond is solid yet flexible. I feel that I will know you for a lifetime. We will go through phases of being friends, of being lovers, and of not liking each other much at all. But time will always bring us back together.
He agreed. I'm holding on to the hope that he will return.
So, I have never been in love offline. I was practically raised on the internet since early youth. I met multiple people online through the years. All interesting, all different, all evil and lovable in their own way. I finally went on this site called IMVU about 5 years ago. I had no intention of really meeting anyone as astounding at this person, but I did. I don't want to say his name but it's beating in my mind as I type this.
I had just left the hospital when my friend, my only friend at the time, introduced me to the site. I loved it. I would get on, troll people and be weird and crazy. I'd laugh so much. I met new people online who became my friends. After school, I'd rush home just to get online and talk to them. I felt like they really mattered and cared about me. I felt loved even. It was a great feeling to have people from all over the world connect with you and share with you about their day and their feelings. It was my own little haven.
Then, about a month in, I had this online fling. This guy was my first friend and the first mutual relationship I've had. It was fresh and fun. He was a transgender who was Cuban and lived in Florida. I didn't really feel any different, though it opened me up to a new definition of love, I guess. I felt something strong for him. Yet, that wasn't love, was it? I can't really say. This story isn't about him. We broke up 3 months later. I was alone romantically, but still had my friends. Just the thought of them makes me tear up slightly. It was difficult to get over, but I did.
And then, that's when I met this guy. We met through a mutual friend. I stalked her and went to the room she was in. We chatted and he came into the room. I didn't think much of him. I figured he was just some person, not the love of my life. Ha. We all chatted together about random things I can't remember. Our friend had to go, so she left and went offline. It was just me and him. We were having a good conversation, so we continued to talk. We talked about movies, actors and actresses. We talked about religion and how we are losing our faith and heading towards a philosophical ideal. We talked about school and the nuisances we experience there.We talked about funny things, how maybe we all can relate to the devil. He then sent me some lyrics to a band called A Lot Like Birds, a band I really liked at the time. This band isn't really popular, so I was surprised when I followed the link. I remember asking him, "You listen to A Lot Like Birds?" and when he confirmed it, we both were so shocked and excited. I felt so happy and ecstatic for some reason. I remember literally tearing up. He was excited too. We typed in all caps, haha. I had actually been on another chat while talking to him, but my focus flew to our conversation gradually as we realized we had a lot in common. Seriously, it was like talking to a twin. I joked many times that he was stalking me and setting me up.
For the rest of that night, we talked more and more. Eventually, it was almost 3am (yet later for him, since he lives in Australia.) and I had to go. I left at some point. Before I tried to sleep, I went on Skype to hopefully find his username using the username on IMVU. I found it and messaged him immediately.
Fast forward about 5 years now. The last time I spoke to him was Christmas 2016 on Kik. It ended with a message from me saying, "I hate you and you can die. Never talk to me ever again in this life." And I guess my wish was granted. He's gone.
It's so much. I don't even know how to write it all. Later that year, five years ago, we starting liking each other and acted on those feelings unofficially. Things fell off, of course. They always do. But, the reason why I still care for him and even feel so intensely for is because after that fallout, he came back. All those friends I met left me. I can explain all that later. But, this guy came back. He reached out about a year and half ago and we started talking again. Things were fine but we developed feelings again for one another. We were both starting college and both dealing with our own problems. I don't know. It just didn't work out. He stopped messaging me. He disappeared. It hurt me so much. I couldn't stop thinking about all the others who left me. I just couldn't believe it was happening again, so I sent that to him. I don't even regret it either, which sounds terrible. But I kept holding that in. I told him that I understood that he was busy or needed time alone. I should have confessed how much his absence hurt me. But instead, I suddenly erupted. I can't even understand it.
In February of this year, I sent him a message, telling him to simply be safe. He read it. And that was the end of it.
I'll admit I still stalk his profile on IMVU. It's strange how seeing his status change excites me. It's stranger to think that he may still think of me. My heart and mind says that he doesn't hate me. I think I scared him, but I don't think he hates me. We're friends after all, but he may have forgotten about me like I've been trying to forget about him. But he's still haunting me. I have an intense depression, which forced me to write about this. To get this shit off my chest. I'm sorry for hurting you. We hurt each other though.
As I said to him during the peak of our correspondence; Our bond is solid yet flexible. I feel that I will know you for a lifetime. We will go through phases of being friends, of being lovers, and of not liking each other much at all. But time will always bring us back together.
He agreed. I'm holding on to the hope that he will return.
22-25, F
